


Toxic

by purr-kitten-purr (orphan_account), smeadow (orphan_account)



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Ciel works through a lot of shit, Eating Disorders, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Frottage, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sexual Abuse, Slow Build, Triggers, Verbal Abuse, poor baby, there's a lot of music actually, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 15:28:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3901408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/purr-kitten-purr, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/smeadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He would kill himself, one of these days. Ciel knew that. But it didn't matter, really. He was a poison. Ciel was toxic. Modern college AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, hey, hey! Welcome to chapter one of what will probably be Lace and Leather's longest fics so far.
> 
> Keep in mind, this is a college AU. There will be some OOC-ness resulting from that. Also, this is somewhat slow building, so if you're looking for a quick smut fix, please hit your back button.
> 
> Now, as for the rest of you… enjoy.

The clouds look like swirls of smoke, suffused across a light gray sky. The tall buildings, their faces composed of glass as transparent as calm water, echo the blurry clouds, surrounding the campus with a cool, melancholic dusk.

Everything around the campus seems even more lackluster, as if someone took a painting and soaked it until the color was a mere memory on the murky background.

Even many of the passersby, their faces tilted away from the pallid sky, seem to reflect the miserable day, wearing shades of black and gray, with barely any stains of brightness.

The only color comes from a petite boy, frame swallowed by a long blue pea coat, sapphire eyes glaring down at the white cigarette in his hand.

Ciel looks up, cursing under his breath at his stupidity. He glances at the passersby.

 _Mother, in her thirties with two toddlers. Her face looks exhausted, but she pretends to smile at her children, who don't notice._ Probably doesn't have a lighter…

_Elderly man, wearing a sad tweed jacket that should have been retired years ago and a scowl cold enough to be the wind. No…_

_Now who would…_

_Oh._

A man, tall and dressed all in black, walk down the sidewalk, his shoulders hunched a bit as he watches his cell phone. Long fingers, slender and dexterous, slide across the screen. In his pocket is the telltale lump of a cigarette box.

Ciel strides up to the tall man, taps him on the shoulder. When he turns, Ciel is struck by the burning heat of his gaze, warm brown eyes flickering with fiery undertones. "Pardon me, but do you happen to have a lighter?" He holds up his cigarette.

The man's eyes falls down to the sapphire eyed boy before him, his eyes narrowing when his gaze takes in the cigarette. ''Aren't you a bit too young to smoke?'' He casually looks the boy up and down, obviously taking in his petite stature and child-like face.

Ciel sighs, rolling his eyes.

_Of course he'd ask that. They always do. Probably thinks I'm still in high school._

"Thank you, but I'm almost nineteen. So do you have a lighter?"

Ciel's vision swims just a bit, the man in front of him starting to seem fuzzy. Knees buckling, Ciel forces himself to stay aright, gritting his teeth.

_I should probably eat… It's been about twelve hours, and I can't even remember what I had._

_No, stupid. Giving up so easily? What a coward._

The man's left eyebrow raises upwards, his eyes suspicious. With a tiny sigh, he opens his black jacket to pull out his lighter, the same charcoal color. ''Here,'' He offers, handing his lighter to the boy.

Ciel takes it, murmuring his thanks as he flicks the lighter on, cupping his hand around the tiny flame and setting the tip of the cigarette alight. He then closes the lighter, polishes it on his pea coat, and passes it back. "Thank you," he sighs, then coughs. His breath rattles in his lungs, a scraping, hollow sound.

He smiles at the man's expression. "Asthma's a bitch that'll probably kill me someday." He drags another mouthful of smoke into his lungs, closing his eyes as the buildings spin around him.

The toxic blend of smoke and starvation acts like a drug, dulling his senses until the world blurs around him. Pale lips curl in a smile as he breathes out, the swirl of foggy gray drifting up to melt into the clouds. He closes his eyes, focusing on the man's voice.

_Hmm… Maybe I'll pass out. How interesting._

The man watches the boy, his brows low with confusion. ''You have asthma? Smoking isn't going to make it any better, you know.'' He sighs again as he reaches for his own cigarette package, pulling out one to light as well.

"It isn't supposed to. That's not why I smoke." Ciel breathes out, watching the smoke curl above his head in soft twists like Lizzy's curls. Then he returns his attention to the man. "What are you doing here? Your company sent you to recruit college students with no other means of making money?"

The man almost chokes on the smoke as he laughs, letting the cigarette dangle between his fingers. Ciel flushes at his laughter, eyes glittering with embarrassment. ''Wow, do I look _that_ old?'' He shakes his head slightly, looking down on his black Converse. ''No, I happen to go my senior year here. I was actually on my way back to my dorm.''

"Oh. I thought... Well." He coughs into his sleeve, rubbing the cobalt wool free from the dampness of his breath. "I would ask what you're studying, but I don't truly want to think about school right now." Taking another deep breath, he places a steadying hand against the brick wall.

The man nods in sympathy as he breathes out some smoke. ''Well, I'm majoring in foreign language and international economics.'' He lets the cigarette linger between his fingers again, eyes wandering around the building before he glances back at the boy. ''Hey… are you okay?'

Ciel leans against the wall, trying to play it casual. "Fine. I probably have to go, however. I'm double majoring, and my calculus teacher's a bitch. I…" he swallows, his knees weak as the smoke that trails from his mouth.

_Oh, god. Oh, god, god, god, not now. Come on, Ciel, stay on your feet._

The boy chuckles, bringing the cigarette to his lips once more in an attempt to play off his shakiness. "I… should… oh god…" His eyes roll back as he collapses against the bricks.

''Well, this isn't exactly what I would call _fine_.'' The man lightly crushes the cigarette against the edge of his shoe, opening up the package to put the half-smoked cigarette back before he crouches down next to the boy. ''Hey, do you hear me?''

Ciel shakes his head, slowly regaining himself. "Damn... Excuse me, I… Ugh. I think I need to eat. I'll just head back to my dorm." He pulls himself upright, holding the wall like he's a newborn just learning to walk.

_Idiot. He might ask to walk you back._

''Your dorm is pretty close from here, right?'' The man quickly asks as he stands up in front of the boy. ''Please, allow me to help you get back safe. Besides, you can barely stand straight without support.'' He gestures towards the boy's small, pale hands clutching the wall.

Ciel begins to protest, then gives a sheepish smirk. "You know, I have a feeling that if I refuse, you'll heave me over your shoulder and carry me to my room. It's pretty close, although you should call the campus medical center. Tell them Ciel had a hypoglycemic attack. They... they know me quite well." He reaches out, grabbing the man's shoulder for support.

''I'm going to walk you back, alright?'' The man places a hand around the boy's waist, cradling most of his weight. ''I have nothing better to do right now anyway.'' He glances down on the boy, frowning a bit. ''You just need to eat something, right? If so, then I don't think there's any need to call the medical center.''

"I know one of the girls who works at the medical center. She wants to know when I… do this." Ciel sighs, taking a step. He grits his teeth, trying to keep himself upright by willpower alone. "Lizzy keeps a record of my levels since I never remember to. It's for my file." Ciel pats his pocket. "My phone's there, if you need it."

The man nods a bit, reaching into Ciel's pocket to pull the phone free. Even the seemingly insignificant weight feels like a thousand pounds lifted from his hip. ''I guess I'll call then.'' The phone buzzes softly as he taps Lizzy's profile, dialing. As usual, Lizzy picks up within seconds, her rather squeaky voice making Sebastian jump, his hip smacking Ciel's side.

Ciel smirks a little, resting his head against Sebastian's arm. ''No, um… this is not Ciel.'' He glances a bit toward the boy, still holding firmly around his thin waist. ''Doesn't really matter… I'm calling for him. He told me to tell you that he's had one of his hypoglycemic attacks again.'' The man glances down again, nodding slightly at whatever Lizzy's saying as he watches Ciel's eyes. ''Hey, she wants to talk to you.''

Nodding, Ciel takes the phone, wincing when the girl begins talking in her usual overbearing tone. "No… No, I'm fine, Lizzy. I just feel a little under the weather. Uhm, no, I do not need you to… no, Lizzy it's fine, you don't…" He sighs, placing the phone in his coat pocket again. "She's coming to pick us up."

''Oh, okay.'' The man rubs the back of his head, a touch awkward. ''So, do you need to sit down? There's some benches right here.'' He points to his right at a few empty spots, already half-dragging Ciel toward them.

Ciel nods, still clutching the man's coat. He notices a slight scent of cloves. "So… what's your name?" He rests on the bench, legs giving out the moment before he sits. He releases the man's coat as he settles.

The black clad man sits down next to him, his eyes wandering around the rather stressed students. Ciel follows his gaze, watching girls with half-filled coffee cups stumble into the daylight, squinting against the weak, lemon-colored sun rays. ''Sebastian.'' He answers, glancing back at the boy beside him.

Ciel smirks. "Got a last name? I mean, you do know mine." He pulls out his phone again, texting Lizzy to ask her to pick up some food for him.

She responds within seconds, as she always does. As she always has, from the moment she kissed him and told him she wanted to be with him always.

_You ruined her dreams. But then again, that's what you do._

Sebastian curiously peeks down on Ciel's phone, seeming to have forgotten that the boy had asked him a question.

Ciel turns his phone away, giving the man an odd look. He blinks, then stutters, ''Oh, yeah, Michaelis. Sebastian Michaelis.''

"Wait… Sebastian Michaelis? As in, the one in economics with Mey Rin? That's odd… I thought you'd be taller, from how she went on about you."

A small, canary yellow car pulls up, barely missing the curb. A blonde girl, tiny frame swaddled in soft pink scrubs, climbs out of the car with a scowl, her eyes locked on Ciel.

"Ciel Phantomhive, you'd better have a pretty good explanation!" Her bright green eyes snap at the two.

Ciel smiles, the expression cutting across his features, feeling as fake as he is. "Ah. Sebastian Michaelis, meet Lizzy. My ex."

Sebastian brings his hand up to his hair, scratching through the raven locks with a slightly confused expression on his face. "Oh… hello.''

He stands from the bench, eyes flickering on the blonde girl facing him before looking back down to Ciel, who remains slumped against the bench. ''Then, should I go now? I mean, since your help arrived…"

"No, you're fine. Uhm… actually…" Lizzy squints at him, curling a ringlet around her finger. "If you're not busy… can you help me get Ciel to the car? He shouldn't be walking." She walks over to him, taking one of his hands to test his blood with a glucose monitor.

Ciel hisses as the needle jabs his finger, looking up to find Sebastian watching Lizzy intently. "Sorry to drag you into this, by the…"

"Ciel…" Lizzy breaks in, her face tight. Ciel looks down at his lap. "Your levels are at 35. Any more time and you would have been comatose. Again."

Sebastian glances between them for a few moments before he breaks their conversation. ''Alright… so can we take him to the car now?'' He grabs the boy's arm and places it over his shoulder, lifting him into his arms. ''Wow, you literally weight nothing.''

Ciel rolls his eyes, blushing. "We can't all be giants like you. Besides, you don't need to carry me as if I'm a princess."

Sebastian chuckles a bit as he walks towards the car. ''It's much easier like this, you know. I don't really mind.''

Ciel looks back helplessly at Lizzy, who follows them quickly. "So… Are you two…" she begins, glancing between them.

The boy gives her a shocked glance. "What? No, of course not, Lizzy. We just met." He rolls his eyes, not daring to gauge Sebastian's reaction. "All right, you can put me in the backseat, thank you."

Sebastian's eyes widen a bit, but he quickly nods as he carefully puts the boy down on his feet to open the car door. ''Do you think you could let me go now?'' Sebastian lets out a rather nervous and suppressed laugh as his eyes wanders to the blonde. ''I mean, we're strangers, there's no point in me being here, really.'' He quickly glances down at his watch. ''Besides, I have to go somewhere soon.''

"Why are you nervous? I mean, it's not like you two are together." Lizzy's smiles have become sweet, her hand lingering on Sebastian's arm. "Besides, Ciel is rather heavy… and his dorm is on the third floor."

Ciel sighs loudly. "Let the man go, Lizzy, flirting with him won't make me jealous. Besides, I'm not an invalid. I can walk."

The girl whirls on him. "Ciel Phantomhive, I don't want to hear another word. You are going to rest, and take it easy, and eat. And I am going to stay with you and make sure you follow my orders!"

"You can't. You have a date with Finny tonight, remember?"

Lizzy scowls, then looks at Sebastian, her eyelids dropping to half-mast. "Can I talk to you? Alone?" Ciel snorts at her falsely honeyed tones.

''Yeah… sure.'' Sebastian follows the girl until she suddenly stops, turning around to him. ''Well?''

"Could... I haven't known you for long… But… I need someone to watch Ciel." Lizzy nibbles her lip. "He… he's been doing this a lot. 'Forgetting' to eat, passing out… I need someone to watch him, at least for tonight. To make sure he doesn't hurt himself." Lizzy curls a lock of hair around her forefinger.

Sebastian stands still for a second, his mouth opening and closing before he starts. ''Well… yeah, I guess I could do that.'' He smiles gently at her. ''As long as he's good with it, I mean I'm just a stranger to him… and you.''

Lizzy giggles, her head tilting. Ciel can imagine the sweet, soft look coming over her eyes that always seems to sway men to her side. "Oh, he'll be fine with it! He pretends not to like people but he does, I can tell."

_All right, time to break it up. My god._

Ciel calls over to them, his voice irritated. "Have you two eloped or am I invited to the wedding?" The car door squeaks as he climbs out, walking over with a regal expression. "So, she's roped you into Ciel-sitting, has she."

''Yeah, seems like it. I guess you'll have to bear with my presence tonight.'' Sebastian chuckles. ''So, are you able to walk back to your dorm then? Or would you rather want to be carried?''

"Carried, obviously. Like a princess." Ciel rolls his eyes, turning to walk away.

Hearing the man's sigh behind him, Ciel turns to say farewell to Lizzy but she's already in her car. She disappears with a tiny puff of exhaust, the little yellow car glinting in the sunlight.

''Hey, Ciel!''

Ciel raises an eyebrow, turning to glance at Sebastian as he jogs next to him. "Need something? I'm about as thrilled you're supposed to watch me as you are." He rubs his forehead softly, wincing. "If you want, you can simply go home and I'll tell Lizzy you stayed."

''You're not getting rid of me that easily.'' Sebastian glances down at him. ''Besides, knowing that you're not taking care of yourself… I believe this is for the best.''

The boy rolls his eyes, tugging at the collar of his coat.

_Lord, it's freezing. I hate winters here. Much too cold, with all this snow._

"Whatever. It was an accident, all right? And what are you, my mother?"

Sebastian shakes his head a bit as he smiles. ''No, I'm not. I just care, that's all.''

"Right." Ciel coughs out a laugh, his voice raspy from the cold air and the smoke.

Sebastian narrows his eyes a bit as he glances down at the boy. ''You don't believe me?''

"You just met me. You can't care about me yet," Ciel shrugs, burrowing deeper into his jacket. "Besides, people tend to dislike me, for various reasons. Lord, it's freezing."

''Really? I don't think it's _that_ cold…'' He looks up from the boy, eyes wandering around the campus they're walking through. ''We're soon at your dorm anyways, aren't we?''

"Yeah. It's that building." Ciel points to the far one, a dark grayish-yellow with scorch marks along the foundation. "I live on the third floor. We'll have to take the stairs because the maintenance man, Bard, never can get the elevator working. I don't know why he thinks taking a blowtorch to the gears will help, but apparently he does."

''Alright.'' As they reach the building, Sebastian opens the door for Ciel before he walks inside. ''Better take it slow then, so that you won't pass out again.''

"Oh, please. It was just an accident.' Ciel rolls his eyes, bounding up the stairs.

''Well, if you say so.'' Sebastian's footsteps echo on the metal stairs, each step sounding like a thousand-pound weight.

"What, are you calling me a liar?" Ciel pauses, having to breathe heavily against the railing.

''No, not at all.''

Ciel straightens the moment Sebastian looks at him, hurrying up another flight of stairs. "So... I suppose I should give you dinner. Uhm... slight problem with that."

''Let me guess, you can't cook?'' He smiles proudly. ''You're lucky, because I happen to be one hell of a cook.''

"I can cook fine… well…" Ciel rubs his head. "Sort of. I can make toast. But I don't actually have any food." He walks up the steps again. "But now I want to taste your cooking. Lovely."

''Oh, well… that's a shame.'' They reach the top of the stairs, now standing in front of Ciel's door. It's a rather boring thing, with few dents to mark the passing and going of generations of students and no mat to distinguish it from the countless others on the row. ''Do you want me to go buy something, then?''

"No, it's fine. I don't usually keep food around the place."

_I don't like to have the temptation._

"I forget it's there and it goes bad." Ciel smiles sheepishly, hoping he doesn't look fake.

''Oh, alright.''

Ciel quickly unlocks the door, both walking inside. Sebastian beings to open up his jacket as his eyes roam around the room.

Ciel bites his lip, pulling his coat off and throwing it into the closet. "You can sit anywhere. I know it's rather a wreck… I've been busy." He thinks, rubbing his head still harder. "Uhm… do you want… coffee or…" he shakes his head, trying to clear his dizziness.

''Sure, sure.'' Sebastian slings his jacket over his arm

"Err… Right. I should… probably not get up because I'm about to collapse again." Ciel digs his fingernails into his palms. "I… think I ought to… get something to eat. Finny keeps a box of reserve protein bars in the closet."

''I'll get you one, then.'' Sebastian walks up to the closet, rooting around a bit until he finds said box. ''Here you go…''

Ciel takes it, ripping the shiny wrapper with a series of delicate tears. He then breaks the bar into bite-sized pieces, relishing the taste of chocolate and cherries. "Thanks. Sorry about this. You must think me a fool."

''No, not really.'' Sebastian glances towards the boy, giving him a reassuring smile. ''You alright?''

'Fine." Ciel begins pulling his boots off. "Sit down, if you want."

Sebastian nods a bit as he sits down on the edge of the bed with a small sigh. ''I might not stay all too long, but I guess you're okay with that.''

Ciel shrugs. "I actually am going out anyways. I have to work."

''Alright.'' He nods, trying to think of something to say. ''Where do you work?''

Ciel actually smiles now, his eyes growing soft. "The music hall. I accompany. Tonight I'm playing with a girl who has a major in classical voice. She's singing Mozart's _Der Liebe himmlisches Gefühl_."

''Oh, really?'' Sebastian's lips turns into an enthusiastic smile, eyes slightly widening in interest. ''That's really cool. I play music too. In a band, actually.''

Ciel's eyebrows shoot up. "Honestly? What kind of music?" He begins to smile even bigger.

''Well, mostly alternative rock…'' Sebastian can't help but to stare at Ciel's sapphire eyes. ''Although I'm personally interested in all types of genres, really.''

"I'd love to hear you. Do you play or sing?" He scoots closer to the man, gesturing to a keyboard. "If you sing, I could accompany you."

''Both, actually.'' He smiles, eyes wandering to the keyboard. ''Yeah, sure.''

"Lovely. Do you know _The Light Behind My Eyes_?" Ciel sits down, quickly playing the melody.

''Oh yes, I do.'' Sebastian smiles. ''Actually, it's one of my favorite songs.'' He watches as the boy's fingers softly press against the keys.

Ciel, focusing on the keyboard, almost misses the beginning strains, the slow build of the music sending a delicious shiver up his spine.

" _So long to all my friends,_

_Every one of them met tragic ends._

_With every passing day,_

_I'd be lying if I didn't say,_

_That I miss them all tonight._

_And if they only knew what I would say, if I_ — _''_

Sebastian's voice, powerful but soft, fills the no-longer-silent room along with the keyboard. He continues to watch Ciel's moving fingers as he sings, every now and then letting his gaze wander from the keyboard to the boy's now peaceful face.

"— _could be with you, tonight,_

_I would sing you to sleep,_

_Never let them take the light behind your eyes._

_One day I'll lose this fight,_

_As we fade in the dark,_

_Just remember you will always burn as bright_ — _"_

Ciel tilts his head back, no longer smiling but still maintaining an air of absolute peace. He slowly begins to improvise, the melody wrapping around Sebastian's voice like velvet, playing off his deeper voice with counterbalanced lighter pitches. Without warning, he executes a long run, fingers flying across the glossy keys.

Sebastian sings the last verse of the song, his now rather dry mouth causing his voice to slightly break at the end. ''Sorry,'' he coughs, letting out a small chuckle. ''I must say, you play really well. I enjoyed this.''

"I did also. Your voice is incredible." Ciel walks to his sink, pouring the man a glass of water and handing it over. "We should do it again sometime."

Sebastian smiles as he takes the glass, taking a small sip from it. ''Yeah, sure.''

Ciel smiles, then curses softly. "Fuck, I'm late to work. Thank you for the song, but I really have to go."

''No worries.'' Sebastian puts on his jacket again, getting ready to leave.

Ciel smiles, walking the man to the door. Once the door is closed behind him, the smile drops off his face.

_I wonder if I'll ever see him again._

* * *

It's a rather sunny afternoon as Ciel steps from the classroom, throwing up a hand to shield his eyes from the bright sunlight. Hoisting his backpack atop his shoulder, he trots to the library, ignoring the dull tinge of an ache that echoes through his wrists.

He steps into the library, sighing in the cool silence. The space seems almost reverent, with the silence of the students broken only by pages turning and keys tapping. He slings his backpack across the back of a chair, pulling out _The Catcher in the Rye._

''Oh, Ciel?''

Ciel blinks, looking up. He almost doesn't recognize the tall, dark-haired figure until… "Se…bastian. I didn't know you came here." He quickly closes his book, standing. One hand pulls at the thick sleeves of his oversized hoodie, tugging them down to cover his wrists completely. He smiles, his face feeling strained, like fabric pulled too far. "What are you doing?

"I didn't know you came here either." Sebastian smiles, his eyes softening somewhat as they drop to watch his hands, then back to his eyes. "Well, I'm here to study. My roommate, Agni, keeps offering his assistance even though he knows little about economy and continually confuses Spanish and French." He sits down at the table, gesturing the boy to sit down again. "Not that I don't appreciate his help, but I truly do need to work."

Ciel nods, retaking his seat. "I'm not actually studying. Lizzy's at the apartment having a row with Finny, and I thought I'd take cover here." He picks up his book again, flipping the pages until he regains his spot. "My classes are easy, once you get on the teachers' good sides."

Sebastian nods as he opens up his text book, chuckling a bit. "Yeah, I guess." He looks up from his book, eyes focusing back on Ciel. "So, how long has it been since we first met? A week? I actually saw you a couple times around campus, but you know, didn't want to bother you."

"You could have if you wanted. I'm not particularly busy most of the time." Ciel tugs at his boots a bit, pulling the tops until they brush his knees. "I think… it's been around a week and a half. Have you been busy?"

"No, not really. I've been working a lot with my band, when I was supposed to study…" Sebastian shakes his head a bit, picking up his notebook from his bag. "So, I'm trying to catch up a bit." He returns his gaze back to Ciel. "How have you been doing?"

Ciel shrugs, fingers tapping restlessly on the cover of his book. His fingers duck beneath the hems of his sweatshirt, rubbing softly at the raised lines there. "Playing a lot. I'm accompanying five people this week. Which reminds me… I thought you told me I could hear your band play some time. What do you call yourselves?"

''My band is called _Beyond the Veil_.'' Sebastian smiles at the boy, scribbling with his pen on the margin of his notes. ''We're actually having our first appearance at a pub in town on Saturday, so if you want to, you can come.''

He nods, frowning. "I can't come then. I'm nineteen, and it's not like I've got a fake license."

"Don't worry about it; I'll make sure to get you in." One corner of Sebastian's mouth turns into a slightly crooked smile as he leans back in his chair. "Oh and before you become concerned, I just need to tell them that you're one of my bandmates. I've done that before, works great."

Ciel raises a slate eyebrow. "All right. Thank you. You'll have to tell me where it is."

"The pub is called _Jaguar_. It only takes fifteen minutes if you walk from here." Sebastian straightens again, picking up his pen. "I could write down the address and exact directions if you want."

"It's all right. If you give me the address, I can find it on my own." Ciel fiddles in his pocket, finding a receipt. He slides it across the table.

Sebastian nods, taking the paper and quickly scribbles down the address. "I hope you can read it." He chuckles as he slides the piece back to the boy.

Ciel squints at the handwriting, which is so hurriedly scribbled that he can barely tell the letters apart. "I believe I can decipher it a little. I… think?" He blinks, looking sheepishly at Sebastian once again. "Perhaps you should tell me it, and _I'll_ write it down."

"Franklin Street." Sebastian says, moving his pen back to his notes again. "By the way, the pub has a big red sign, so you won't miss."

Ciel nods, quickly writing the directions on the paper. Then he glances at his watch. "Mmm... I suppose I ought to go. I'm accompanying again, although I dislike the girl… Honestly, she's the vainest, most unpleasant… anyways."

"Oh, alright…" Sebastian smiles a bit as he watches the boy stand, taking his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder. "Guess I'll see you on Saturday, yeah?"

Ciel nods. "I'm looking forward to it." With a final smile, he gathers his things and walks off.

* * *

Ciel's phone buzzes, the sound cutting through the silence of the room. He glances up from his assignment, sees the professor's eyes on him. "Phantomhive. Is it an emergency?" Professor Agares' cup, hastily set on the desk's edge, teeters toward him, on the verge of falling. The professor looks down in barely enough time to catch it.

Glancing down at his phone, Ciel sees Lizzy has texted him. The message, winking at the bottom of his locked screen, is brief, but seems urgent. "I'm not sure, sir. Can I call her, then return?"

The professor nods shortly to him, so focused on wiping the tiny stains of coffee drips from his shirt that he doesn't notice the steady stream from the overturned cup across his papers.

Ciel bounds out of the room, already dialing Lizzy's number. "Lizzy… what's..."

Her voice breaks in, breathy and excited. "Ciel, can you…"

A deep velvet voice behind him makes him turn. "Wait… Sebastian?"

Sebastian turns his head, eyes meeting Ciel's. "Oh, hey, Ciel." He walks up to him, smiling. "Nice to see you again."

Ciel smiles, holding the phone away from his ear to give it a break from Lizzy's shrill voice. "Give me a second, I'm on the phone but I want to talk to you."

Lizzy bubbles in his ear. "...And we can have popcorn and soda as snacks, and don't worry I'll pay for it, but I'm worried that Finny can't make it. He's been dying to come, but he works tomorrow all day, so..."

"Wait, what?"

"I told you. The new festival downtown, the one everyone's been excited about? You know. You were talking about it the last two weeks until I thought I'd pull my hair out. I bought tickets already, so you're coming. Don't try to wriggle out of it." Lizzy sounds excited, almost flustered.

"Well… Lizzy, can I call you back? I'm trying to talk with Sebastian." He glances out of the corner of his eye, feeling those burning hot eyes on him.

Sebastian smiles when the boy finally turns to him. "Sorry… didn't mean to interrupt your call.."

"No, no you're perfectly all right. Lizzy's trying to drag me to the music festival. Which I suppose it wouldn't be bad… but the two of us, alone for hours…" He shifts. "Anyways. She's bought the tickets already, although Finny shan't be able to make it."

"Music festival, you say?" Sebastian raises an eyebrow. "Do you by any chance mean the Electric Diamond Festival downtown?"

Ciel blinks. "Yes, actually. You've heard of it?"

"Really?" Sebastian smiles. "Well, you're lucky. I planned to go with one of my bandmates, but it turned out that she couldn't go, so we had to cancel it."

"Then maybe you can come with us," he smiles. "I'm actually glad... I didn't want Lizzy to think this is a date."

Sebastian's eyes light up with excitement, his smile showing nearly dazzling teeth. Ciel finds himself smiling in return, unsure why. "Yeah sure, that'd be awesome."

"All right, meet you at the front gate. Say around nine?"

Sebastian nods with a smile. "Sounds good."

 

* * *

 

 

The air is foggy, holding a slight trace of dampness that strokes Ciel's face, leaving behind a faint smear of water like half-dried tears. He curls back deeper into his hoodie, scanning the crowds. "Sebastian!"

Lizzy stands beside him, pouting softly as she shifts almost too close for comfort. "Why'd you invite him? It could have been just us."

Sebastian smiles as he spots the two, lightly jogging towards them. "Oh hey." He breaths out, eyes now solely focused on Ciel.

Ciel smiles at him, pulling his coat tighter around himself. "I'm glad you made it. Did you have a hard time finding us?"

Lizzy drifts toward the gate, holding her ticket out to the teller. Ciel barely notices her go, only feeling slightly cooler without her body heat against his.

"Ah, yeah…" Sebastian chuckles. "There are so many people around here." His eyes roam the crowds as he walks toward the gate as well.

Ciel follows behind quickly, pulling out his ticket to show the teller. They pass the gates, and he pauses a minute to simply take in the sheer mass of people, all milling about, so densely packed there's little room to walk. "My god."

Sebastian smiles apologetically as he tries to press through the masses, each person glaring at him with slight anger. He glances back to check on Ciel. "You doing okay back there?"

Ciel presses forward, only to be shoved back by the other passersby. One man plants a hand on his chest, pushing his back with a snarl. "Hey! Wait for me!" he shouts, trying to see above the crowds and find his companions.

"Ciel?" Sebastian calls out, eyes searching for the boy. "Ciel?" He calls once again as he finally spots the boy, hurrying up to him. "You all right?"

He rushes forward as well, pulling his coat tighter. "Fine. Stupid idiot, though. Shoved me so hard I thought I'd fall." He glances around, trying to spot Lizzy. Her long mess of blonde curls is nowhere in sight, however.

Sebastian nods, placing his hand on the boy's shoulder as he points to the distance. "There're fewer people over there, we just need to push through this crowd first."

"God, I hate crowds. Everyone seems a thousand feet tall." Ciel gestures him on, ignoring the tiny smirk on his face. "You go first, clear everyone out of the way."

Sebastian nods again as he begins to walk forward, making his way through the crowd. He glances back at Ciel again, smiling as the boy looks up at him.

"Finally." Ciel breaths out as they finally break free from the mass.

Ciel pushes forward, standing beside him with a smile. "Thanks, by the way. For everything."

_God, Ciel, why don't you give him a love letter and a box of chocolates? Stupid fool._

Looking away quickly, he asks, "You want some coffee? It's damnably cold."

Sebastian smiles, nodding his head. "Yeah, that'd be nice."

They walk into a nearby coffee shop, Ciel pulling out his wallet. "One coffee, one white chocolate mocha... Do you want sugar?" he calls back.

"So. That's why you brought him." Lizzy's voice is disappointed, seeming to come from nowhere. She rises from a nearby table, abandoning a half-empty cup of something sweet and minty-scented. "You two... I thought there was something going on."

Sebastian slightly tenses as he hears the blonde. His dark eyes locks with her green ones, only to quickly turn his head back to Ciel again. "Um, no… No sugar."

Ciel grabs Lizzy's arm and pulls her away for a moment, his face tense. "What do you mean? Sebastian and I are simply friends, nothing more. Don't be ridiculous."

"Oh, please, Ciel. I'm not blind." Her eyes become watery as she pulls his face closer, cupping his cheeks. Her thumb traces his lower lip as she tilts her head. "Don't you care about me?"

He twitches back, eyes flickering up to Sebastian, who's toying with his phone in an effort to ignore them. "We're not together any more. You know that. You're dating someone else!"

"He's just a fling! Just until we become serious again. We backed up in our relationship, yes, but we can be together again!" Lizzy wraps her arms around him, burying her face in his throat. "Please, Ciel, I love you."

Ciel pulls away. His chest feels numb, cold, like ice has taken place of what might once have been a heart. "My coffee's ready. Sebastian and I will look around, maybe you should do the same." He takes his cup, tugging Sebastian's sleeve. "Are you ready to go?"

Sebastian looks up from his phone, putting it back in his pocket again. "Oh, yeah."

Ciel half-drags him from the room, then slumps against a nearby building. "I'm sorry about bringing you into that. She overstepped the bounds."

Sebastian smiles. "It's fine." He pulls out a cigarette from his jacket, lighting it up before he inhales the toxic smoke.

Ciel hums, taking out one of his own. "May I? What would you like to do? I've heard there's a fabulous band at around 10:30."

Sebastian nods, lighting up Ciel's cigarette as well. "Oh really? We should totally check them out then." He puts the cigarette between his fingers. "We could grab a bite later on, maybe just roam around if you want."

"That sounds lovely. Although I'm not usually hungry. I don't get hungry a lot."

Sebastian raises his eyebrows as he breathes out the smoke, his eyes becoming a dark brown, like cocoa. "Really? That's kind of… odd."

Ciel shrugs, glancing at the ground. "Whatever."

Sebastian watches the boy, taking in his features and skinny frame. "You _need_ to eat more, you know."

"I'm fine." Ciel turns away, throwing his half-empty cup into a waste receptacle nearby. The cup clanks dully in the can.

A soft sigh, followed by the crinkling of the cigarette package being opened and closed. Sebastian's warmth reaches out to Ciel as he stands closer behind him."Do you want to look around, then?"

"Yeah, sure." Ciel breathes in the last of his cigarette, crushing the stub under his feet. "I really love this festival. Ever since I heard about it, I've wanted to come."

Sebastian smiles. "Yeah, same here. I'm glad I was able to go with you."

Ciel feels his cheeks heating, so he quickly ducks his head toward the ground.

_Stop it, Ciel, what are you doing? Don't act like a lovesick puppy._

"So... you want to just walk and look, or talk to some artists…?" He holds his breath, silently hoping for the former.

"Well, we could do both." Sebastian glances down on the boy as he puts both of his hands in his jacket pockets, slowly strolling forward. "Or what would you prefer?"

Ciel follows beside him, watching the ground as it falls away behind his tiny booted feet. "Well… I'd like to just look… but if you'd rather not…"

Sebastian smiles. "That's perfectly fine with me."

Nibbling his lower lip, Ciel drifts beside the man silently, watching his expressions flow as he examines the nearby stalls. For some reason, he finds himself wanting to draw closer, to stare into Sebastian's eyes so he can see them flash from warm brown to hungry maroon. Those eyes wander around the crowds. The buzz of thousands of voices laughing and chatting surrounds the pair, almost covering a distant wailing guitar.

Sebastian glances down at Ciel after a while, smiling softly. "What time did that band play that you talked about?

"10:30. They're supposed to be very good. Visual kei electric, coming all the way from Osaka for the festival. All male, but some of their singers are said to be able to sing as high as females." Ciel's eyes glow with excitement. "They're called Lavender Star, and they're somewhat of celebrities in the electric genre. The main singer is…" he coughs, cheeks pink. "Well."

"That's pretty cool. I look forward to hearing them."

Ciel tucks his hair behind his ears. "Yeah. So... do you have a girlfriend?" Instantly, he curses himself for the seemingly random question.

Sebastian chuckles a bit, shaking his head. "No, I don't."

"No? I would have figured you'd have girls all over you." Despite his bold words, Ciel feels a flush of heat rush through his body.

"Well, you're not wrong." He sighs deeply. "Honestly… I'm not very interested in them. They're… too clingy for my tastes."

Nibbling his lower lip, Ciel coughs. "So... you're more into… the… you know… guys?"

Sebastian smiles a bit, not sarcastically but almost sweetly. "Yes, so it would seem."

Ciel's cheeks burn. "I... um... Yeah."

_My god. He's… we could. God._

Sebastian stares down at the ground for a few moments, during which time Ciel feels like the largest fool who ever opened his mouth, before turning his head up to glance through his raven locks at Ciel. "So… What about you? That… What's her name, Lizzy, right? She's your ex?"

Ciel blinks. "Uhm. Yes. But I'm… My time in a relationship with her simply let me know I'm even less into girls that I had previously thought." He flushes, his hands burying themselves deep in his pockets.

"Oh, I see." Sebastian holds his gaze on Ciel a little longer, before he turns his head away to look down on the ground once again, a small smile forming on his lips.

Ciel presses his lips together to try to hide a smile. 'I... I'm..." his cheeks flare as he stutters, eyes glittering bright sapphire. Licking his lips, he steps forward...

Only to stumble across a stack of disks, falling headlong into the street. On the way down, he manages to twist, falling instead onto his side with a loud yelp.

Sebastian hurries up to the boy, reaching out his hand for him. "My god… You all right?"

Ciel takes his hand, pulling himself upright. He stumbles again, feeling the man's arm wrap around his lower waist to steady him. Slowly, his eyes float up to Sebastian's, then down to the man's lips. "Sebastian…"

"Oh my god. I… I'm going!" Lizzy's shocked voice breaks his stupor. The girl, who was watching them with wide eyes, quickly turns, darting away with a quiet gasp.

Sebastian slowly turns his head to watch her leave, releasing Ciel the instant he hears Lizzy's voice. "I'm sorry…" he murmurs.

"No... don't be," Ciel smiles, looking down. "Thank you. Besides… her reaction was rather amusing?" he offers.

Sebastian returns his gaze up to Ciel, smiling back. "Oh… Yeah. I guess it was, in a way."

Ciel flushes gently, his hands on Sebastian's chest. "But, really… thank you. For everything."

Slowly, Ciel pulls away, his face and chest hot with warmth he hasn't felt in ages. As he falls into step behind Sebastian, he wonders… not daring to hope…

_I… am I… in love?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two! Thank you for your patience, and enjoy!  
> ((Note from Alyx: sorry if this isn’t as well-written, rush editing because I’m busy with finals. It will be fixed up!))

"Ciel? You're late! You need to hurry, we're soon getting started!"

Ciel pulls his hat lower, cheeks burning with exertion as the brim of his favorite newsboy cap crushes down stray hairs.

Sebastian glares at him, eyes narrow with pleading, as if warning him not to give away the subterfuge.

Ciel pants a few times for good measure, seeing the suspicious eyes the bouncer turns to him. "S…sorry. Car broke down, had to run," he wheezes. He rubs his hands together to warm them, hurrying in behind Sebastian. As he passes the bouncer, the cap is tipped slightly in greeting.

Sebastian glances back at the boy with a smile as they're walking past the bar. "I'm glad you came. I mean… really. Thank you. Sadly, I'll have to get back to my band." He points at some tables. "You can take a seat over there if you want to. We're starting in about ten minutes."

"Thanks." Ciel watches him go, knee shaking restlessly under the table. He barely glances at any of the other patrons, attention focused solely on the tall man striding to the stage. His cheeks take on a faint pink tinge as Sebastian turns back to wink at him.

A girl walks over to Ciel's table, her smile bright. "Hi! Welcome to Jaguar, what can I get you today?"

He blinks, his eyes flicking to her face before returning to the stage. "Uhm… just water at the moment. Thank you."

She smiles flirtatiously once more before sitting on the table next to him, her skirt's hem riding up to reveal golden-tan thighs and the barest hint of black lace garters. " _Just_ water? I can get you anything. Anything at all. Just ask."

Ciel glances up with Sebastian, starting a little to find those hot, chocolate eyes on his. He tears himself away as he stutters to the girl, catching Sebastian's furrowed brow from the corner of his eye.

"Alright, alright, ladies and gentlemen! First, I'd like to tell you all that this is our first official gig…" The sound of applause and cheering fills the room, covering the excited buzz of dying conversations, causing Sebastian to chuckle, flashing a beautifully white smile. "…and we're all happy to have come this far together. Tonight we're going to play three of our new songs, so we hope you'll like it." He glances back at the drummer, who looks more than ready. "Dagger, take it away!"

Ciel ignores the girl, watching Sebastian with shining eyes as he cradles the mic. The man's voice croons above the heavy drumbeats and wailing guitars.

Closing his eyes, the boy sways slowly, face soft with a smile. Sebastian winks at him once more, eyes riveted on the boy.

The girl glances back and forth between Sebastian and Ciel, then leans forward to half-shout, straining to be heard over the music. "He your boyfriend? God, the hot ones are always gay."

Ciel blinks, his entire face flushing brightly. "I… I don't think I need to answer that! Please just get me water, thank you."

She rolls her eyes, flouncing off. Ciel returns his attention to the music, so enraptured by it that he barely notices her thumping the cup onto the counter then leaving again.

Each song seems to enchant him, giving rise to a different flood of emotions. Sebastian's face, usually rather stoic and composed, seems to loosen, becoming eager and happy. Ciel smiles each time the man meets his eyes.

The last song comes to an end, leaving the crowd chanting for more. Sebastian glances toward his guitarist, Beast, who nods at him. He smiles faintly before facing the crowd again. "Alright, _one_ more song before we're done for tonight."

Ciel bites his lower lip, checking his cell phone. "Shit, it's late…" He glances back up at Sebastian, smiling when he sees the man's eyes on his face. His hips slowly sway to the music, clapping passionately when Sebastian purrs the final note.

"That's it for us tonight." Sebastian, sounding slightly out of breath, speaks into the microphone. "Thanks for having us!" He waves as his band members unplug their guitars and pack their instruments. He smiles at the last band of the night, wishing luck their singer, a boy who can't be more than eighteen. Sebastian sweeps down the remaining contents of his water bottle.

Ciel gets up off his stool, his mouth curved in a tiny grin as Sebastian reaches him. "My. God. You never told me you were that good." He clasps his hands together in front of himself. "I need to go soon… but can I buy you a drink? As a thank you for bringing me."

"Well, didn't want to brag, I guess?" Sebastian chuckles, a proud smile on his lips that makes Ciel flush. "But really, I guess I'm just very lucky to have such talented musicians in my band." They turn toward the bar, Sebastian resting his hand on Ciel's back.

Ciel shivers "Me and the rest of the band are going to buy some shots, but I guess you can buy me a drink, yeah."

Ciel walks up to the girl, who turns to him with a saccharine smile. "What can I get you?"

"Uhm…" He turns to Sebastian. "Order whatever. I don't care."

"Alright… I'll take one Jack Daniels, please." Sebastian smirks, glancing down at Ciel before turning his gaze back to the barista. "You know what… scratch that, make that two."

"I... don't usually drink," Ciel confesses, watching the girl strut off, the hem of her skirt waving with every step, soft and round with lace petticoats. "Especially not hard liquor… Since…"

"Here you are! Two Jack Daniels!" she thrusts the glasses at them with a wide smile.

Ciel takes his, hands beginning to ache from the icy glass as he swirls the amber fluid. He manages a weak smile before sipping his, screwing up his nose at the bitter aftertaste.

Sebastian chuckles as he takes a sip of his own drink. "Well, there's a first time for everything, right?" He smiles as he brings his glass to Ciel's. "Cheers."

"Mm. I suppose, although I'll regret this soon. I never drink since I'm somewhat sensitive to alcohol." Ciel swallows the rest of the glass, sputtering. "God, it's horrible. Another, please." He hands his glass back to the girl.

"I think it's b-" Sebastian is suddenly interrupted by a loud yell from behind him, making him jump and nearly tip his glass. He coughs as a long arm slings across his shoulder.

A rather shot blonde boy giggles. "Black! Why aren't you drinking with us? And who's this you're chatting with?" He stares at Ciel, a dot of red liner under each eye reminding Ciel oddly of a circus performer.

Sebastian sighs a bit before he removes the boy's arm from his shoulder. "Dagger, please go… Oh well. this is Ciel, he's a… friend?"

Ciel nods to Dagger, watching him a bit cautiously, trying not to glare at the blonde's arm over Sebastian's shoulders. "We're friends, yes. He helped me when I had forgotten my lighter the other day." He takes the glass of whisky, pouring the contents down his throat. "You can go with them. It's all right."

Dagger shakes his head a bit as he giggles, grabbing Ciel's wrist and pulling the shorter boy against his chest. "Well Ciel, if you're friends with Black, then you're friends with us too!" He starts to drag the boy toward the others.

Ciel yelps and teeters, thrown off balance until Sebastian snags the overenthusiastic man. "Let him go, Dagger! Just… go back to the others, okay? If we're still going to your place after this I'll be there, so just leave us alone for now, will you?" Dagger frowns, but releases Ciel's wrist.

"Awesome! You'd better promise to be there! Bring your friend!"

Sebastian nods in response before he sits down again, glancing back on the still standing Ciel. "You alright?"

His eyes wide and shocked, Ciel glances at Sebastian. "Uhh… Wow. Yes. I'm all right." Trying to take a seat, he chuckles, slightly off-balance. "He's very… enthusiastic." One hand presses to his temple gently, trying to still a buzzing headache.

"Hm… Yes. I'm sorry about that." Sebastian chuckles a bit as he sweeps down the last drops of the whiskey, pulling his glass forward for a refill.

Ciel follows suit then shakes his head, actions sluggish.

_God, it's getting warm in here._

He rests the cup on the counter, having to attempt multiple times before it finally settles on the wood. "That's ok," he says, his smile growing bigger. "They're nice. Nice people. Good." Swaying to his feet with a giggle, he glances around, then looks back at Sebastian. "I was going to do something, what was I going to do?"

Sebastian smirks, a tiny little grin, as he begins to sip on his second drink, glancing at the boy as he does so. "Oh? I don't know." He chuckles as he puts the drink down.

Ciel blinks, looking confused. "Oh. I… I'll…" He sits back down heavily, picking up his cup, frowning into it when he sees that it's empty. "Hey… who took my drink?"

"You're already drunk, aren't you?" Sebastian chuckles again, taking the glass from Ciel's grasp. "You know, you drank it yourself." He puts the glass away on the counter, so that Ciel won't be able to reach it. "I think you've had enough alcohol for tonight."

Ciel leans forward, struggling to reach the glass. After a few moments he gives up, slumping against the counter, his nose pressed into the sticky wood. "You suck. Gimme, I paid for it." He turns to watch Sebastian. "Hey you… You're pretty. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Nope, I won't give your cup back, it's for your own good." He sips on his own drink, smirking for some reason. "Well… yes, I've heard that more than enough."

Ciel flails a bit, trying to reach the cup still across the counter. "Good. Because you are. Like… really pretty." Ignoring the glass, he sits up and reaches out to pat Sebastian's face.

Sebastian chuckles as Ciel's hands smooth already velvet skin. "Oh, has anyone ever told you that you have the prettiest blue eyes? Really, they're easy to get lost in. I noticed that when I first met you."

Ciel blinks his eyes. "No... No one's told me that. Your eyes are pretty too… they always look like they're about to catch on fire." Wobbling a little, Ciel lurches forward to snatch for his cup, but is still too far away to reach it. "Like they're gonna burn me. I wouldn't mind though. Not if you burn me."

Sebastian smiles. "Well, I think it's safe to say that you won't get burnt." He jokes, eyes focusing on the blue irises in front of him.

Ciel draws closer, almost sitting on the other man, knees on Sebastian's chair. "I wouldn't mind though. I'd like it." His eyelids droop a little, his gaze dropping to Sebastian's lips as he presses his knees against Sebastian's.

Sebastian blinks, his hand stroking up Ciel's arm to settle, heavy, on his shoulder. "And… what do you mean by that?"

Sliding forward, the boy settles on Sebastian's lap, his thighs softly squeezing the man's. "You're also damnably tall. Ridiculously so, in fact." One hand cups the back of the other's neck, guiding their mouths together.

Sebastian's eyes slightly widen, but closes shortly after their lips meet, his heart now pounding against Ciel's hands. They moan, and Ciel's eyes sink closed. "Ciel… We shouldn't be doing this."

Humming, he sucks gently on Sebastian's neck. "Why… not? You're pretty… we can have beautiful children… Besides, don't you like me?" Cheeks flushed, Ciel pulls back to blink at the man.

"You're drunk… And you probably don't know what you're talking about." Sebastian sighs, looking slightly away from Ciel. "But I do like you, yes."

"I don't tell people I want them jus' because," Ciel purrs, resting his forehead against Sebastian's neck. "I like you. A lot." Giggling, he kisses him softly.

Sebastian sighs once more, but smiles. "Alright, if you say so…" He responds to the kiss by letting his tongue slide into the boy's mouth.

Ciel hums, tilting his head to kiss him deeper. His knees tighten on either side of Sebastian's body, sliding up to his hips as he sighs softly. "Ahh… god. I wanted you so bad… since we made music together…"

Sebastian smirks, placing his hands on Ciel's hips, to press them even closer. "Oh?" He chuckles. "Well, I've been thinking about you a lot after that. Each time I did, I questioned why, but I realized I didn't have a good answer." He takes the boy's hand in his own, kissing it softly. "You know, I thought about these too."

Ciel curls his fingers, stroking along Sebastian's soft lips, watching the way Sebastian's mouth softly brushes against the tiny fingers. "My hands? Why?"

"Because they looked so good on the keyboard." Sebastian smiles. "And I wanted to know if they were as soft as they look…" He curls their fingers together, leaning in for yet another kiss, "…and they certainly were."

Ciel kisses him deeply, a tiny moan slipping from his mouth. His hands slide up Sebastian's shoulders, across his neck, tracing his cheekbones before burying themselves in his hair. "I… We should go back to my place," he breathes, pulling back a moment before attacking Sebastian's lips again.

Sebastian hesitates for a moment, but nods. "Okay, sure." Sebastian downs what's left of his drink before he stands up, lacing his arm around Ciel's shoulders as they walk toward the entrance.

Ciel giggles as he trots forward, grabbing Sebastian's hand. "I've never made out with a boy before," he whispers, bumping into Sebastian. "I think I like it."

The entire walk back to his dorm is a fuzzy blur until he accidentally runs into his door.

"S… shit! Who moved the door?"

Sebastian laughs at him, taking the key from the boy's side pocket and unlocking the door. "You should probably drink some water… Although, I think it's too late to save you from a hangover."

"Nooo… water is evil." Ciel stumbles into the room, tripping over the empty air and waving his arms in front of himself. He eventually falls onto his bed, turning to look at Sebastian, who closes the door quietly. "Hey… why are you all the way over there?"

Sebastian smirks, walking over to the bed. "Well, I'm here now." He sits down on the bed, smiling a little.

Ciel pushes him down against the bed, curling up on top of him. "Good. You're now my pillow. G'night."

"I… Okay." Sebastian chuckles, turning his head to look up at the ceiling while he rests a hand on the boy's back. "Goodnight."

* * *

Sebastian's eyelids flutters open, eyes now staring up at the white ceiling. "Ciel…?" He whispers, glancing down at the boy who's peacefully resting on his clothed chest.

Ciel hums, glancing up at him. He's been awake for the last few minutes, simply listening to Sebastian's heartbeat under his head and savoring his warmth. "Hello. Did you sleep well?"

Sebastian smiles as he stretches out a bit on the bed. "Yeah… Did you?"

"Sort of. You snore." Ciel hides a smile by pressing his face to Sebastian's chest. "So… we got drunk last night… and…"

Sebastian looks away from Ciel, turning to stare up at the ceiling once again. Ciel's heartbeat picks up, his face falling. "…And?"

Ciel swallows a little, then smiles, feeling a touch awkward. "We…might have drunkenly made out. I meant what I said, though. I like you."

Sebastian turns his head to face Ciel again, breathing out a small relieved sigh. His entire face is blissful, relieved. "Thank god… I really do like you, Ciel."

Ciel flushes. "I'd hoped so. Now, come down here. I'm going to kiss you." He tugs Sebastian's shirt.

A small smirk spreads on Sebastian's lips. He leans forward, one finger tracing Ciel's cheek as his lips press gently against the boy's.

Ciel, cheeks slightly red, kisses back, slowly nudging Sebastian's mouth open. The kiss is so much better than last night's, not muted under a thick veil of alcohol. He can clearly taste the bitterness from last night's alcohol, Sebastian's natural sweetness. The man's hair smells faintly of black tea as Ciel runs his fingers through it, stroking down to cheeks just barely rough with stubble. Slowly, he pulls back, kissing down Sebastian's throat.

"So..." he pants between kisses, "where… does that… leave us?"

Sebastian breathes out a moan as he stares into the boy's sapphire eyes. ''Well… whatever you're comfortable with.''

''Of course, I'd love that.'' Sebastian smiles, leaning in for yet another kiss.

Smiling, Ciel kisses him gently, then murmurs, "How about pancakes or something? Because I'm about ready to eat _you."_

Sebastian chuckles, already standing from the bed. ''Yeah, I'm starving. Would you let me make them?''

"You want to?" Ciel tucks his hair behind his ears. "I'd love that. Do you need my help?"

Sebastian nods, smiling a bit. ''Yeah, I love to cook so that's really no problem. You can stay here, unless you really want to help.''

"I'm afraid I'd be more of a hindrance. My talents lie elsewhere." He glances down, looking at his nails. "Uhm… all the stuff's in the kitchen… would you mind if I took a shower?"

''Got it.'' Sebastian nods. ''And, I don't mind.'' He smiles, turning around as he takes off to the kitchen.

Ciel heads to the shower, pulling off his clothes and dumping them on the floor. Inside the steam, he scrubs himself off with vanilla soap, pressing into his lower neck to relieve the tension.

He scrubs down his hips and thighs, fingers catching on layers of parallel scars, some old and faded, others still scabbed with dark, ugly scabs. With one finger, he traces matching sets on both his wrists before soaping his legs.

As he massages lather into his scalp, he pauses, smiling gently.

_My god. Sebastian… and I… are dating._

His smile never fades as he rinses off, turning the water off and toweling dry. After getting out, he picks out a bottle of navy nail polish and heads to the kitchen.

Sebastian stacks the first pancake down on the plate, before he pours another amount of batter into the pan. He grips the handle, flipping the pancake up into the air, to graciously fall right back into the pan again.

Ciel's eyes widen in surprise. "Wow."

"Oh hey." Sebastian stacks the second pancake down on the plate.

Ciel smiles at him, setting the nail polish on the table. "Wow. You're really good at that." He sits down, simply watching Sebastian for a few minutes, then opens the polish, coating his nails with a smooth, practiced layer. "I've always wanted to be able to cook, but I'm a rather bad hand at it. I tend to forget they're there and burn them."

''Why, thank you.'' The man smiles, pouring the last contents of the mixing bowl into the pan. ''Well, once you learn the basics and pay attention, it's really not that hard.'' He takes out two plates, placing one pancake on each plate as he begins to pour a rich amount of syrup on top of one. ''Hey, do you have any bananas?''

"Uh… no, sorry. And please, no syrup on mine." Ciel nibbles his lip, blowing on his right-hand nails to dry them. "I think I might have some raspberries in the fridge, but that's all the fruit I have. You can have some." He reaches out for his plate, taking it before his boyfriend can place some sugary syrup on it.

_I can afford the cakes, since last night was… incredible. But that's it. I can't allow syrup too._

Sebastian nods, frowning slightly. 'You don't want anything on yours?'' He opens up the fridge, rooting around to find the raspberries.

"No, thanks." Ciel winces to see Sebastian's frown. "I'm just not hungry."

''Oh, okay.'' Sebastian finally spots the raspberries, taking them out of the fridge to heat them a bit in the microwave. Once he's done, he pours them onto his pancake, walking to sit down at the table in front of Ciel with a smile. ''Well then, bon appétit!''

Ciel chuckles, mostly from relief, taking his first bite of the pancake. Immediately, his eyes widen, staring down at the pancakes. "Good lord… is there anything you don't do well?"

Sebastian smiles, his features proud as he takes a bite of his own pancake as well. ''Nothing that I can think of, no,'' he jokes, chuckling a bit.

Ciel sputters, choking on his pancake for a moment before laughing outright. "Very funny." He takes another bite, then sets the fork down to paint his uncoated nails with the dark blue polish. "Do you have to be anywhere today? Because, sadly, I have classes all afternoon."

Sebastian shakes his head a bit as he chews. ''Nah, I'm free all day. I'll be leaving soon anyway, I have to study.''

Ciel frowns a little. "I'm sorry. I wish I could stay, but…"

''You know, now that we're dating, we'll be able to meet a lot.'' The man smiles, putting down his fork and knife to fish for his phone in his jeans pocket. ''By the way… I think it's about time I get your number.'' He slides his phone over the table, the screen lighting up against the dark plastic.

"Oh, right. I should have thought of that.' Ciel picks up the phone, sliding his across the table as well. "I'm usually free on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but have classes all other days." He sets the phone down, finishing his food.

''Cool. My classes end pretty early, around 2 or 3 PM, so I usually have a lot of free time, unless I have to study.'' Sebastian types a bit before looking up at Ciel. ''We should study together sometime. What did you major in again?

"Double-major, in business and classical piano." Ciel takes his phone again, slipping it into his pocket. "But yeah, we should definitely study together. What about Tuesday, around 4?"

Ciel takes his plate to the sink, washing it off and setting it on the counter.

"All right, sounds great." Sebastian follows him, washing his plate off and putting it down on the counter as well.

"I'll head back to my dorm then." He walks out of the kitchen, turning around to face Ciel as he puts on his jacket.

Ciel sighs. "I suppose I should get ready to leave…" Walking to Sebastian, he pulls the man down to kiss him one last time, slow and tender. "I'll see you tomorrow?

Sebastian wraps his arm around the boy's waist, pulling him into a slight embrace as they kiss. "Yeah." He smiles, slowly letting go of Ciel.

Ciel strokes his face one last time, then lets him go. "All right. See you then."

* * *

Ciel hurries along down the sidewalk, his eyes glued on the street beneath his feet. He silently bites into a banana, chewing as he mutters to himself, going over the introduction to tonight's piece. The recital was a spur-of-the-moment one, but Ciel has panicked over it nonetheless.

As he hurries along, he misses the tall man crossing his path, accidentally slamming right into him.

"Oh! Hey, what are..." Looking up, he finds himself pinned in a bright red gaze.

"Ciel?" Sebastian smiles, chuckling a bit as he puts an arm around the boy's slender shoulders. "What a pleasant surprise."

Ciel smiles brightly, lifting onto his toes to kiss Sebastian's jaw. His boots scrape on the gravel, but he pays them no mind. "Sebastian! I didn't… wow."

"Are you in a hurry?"

Ciel shrugs. "Kind of, yes. I play in a half-hour."

"Oh, all right. I'll let you go, then." He smiles, removing his arm from his shoulders.

Ciel smiles, a little teasingly. "Without a kiss goodbye?"

"Oh, of course not." Sebastian smirks, leaning down to give the boy a gentle kiss on his lips.

He cups the back of Sebastian's head, kissing him more deeply as he pulls closer to the man.

Sebastian smiles through the kisses, letting out a small chuckle as he slowly pulls away, breaking the kiss. "That was nice… It's a shame that you have to leave."

Ciel frowns a little. "I wish I could skip it. I'll see you soon, though? Maybe not tomorrow, but soon?"

Sebastian nods. "Yes, definitely."

With a final gentle kiss, Ciel pulls away from him, waving before disappearing into a nearby building.

* * *

Ciel yawns, his cheek falling against his book. Finny giggles, bumping his shoulder. "Come on, Ciel, you've got a test soon!"

He groans. "Can't you just wear a wig and take it for me?" Turning onto his side, he hears a knock at the door. "Ugggggh, you go get it."

''Oh, Hello. Is Ciel there?'' Sebastian, waiting outside the door, smiles at Finny.

Finny blinks, his eyes wide. "Uh… who're you?"

Ciel turns his head, groaning. The moment his eyes fall on Sebastian, he darts up. "Sebastian! Hey… what brings you around?" Cheeks slightly pink, he takes Sebastian's hand, leading him inside.

Finny watches him, smiling softly for a moment before squeaking, "Oh! Ciel, you've found a new friend! That's so nice!"

Sebastian chuckles a bit, turning to face Ciel. ''Yeah… I just wanted to.'' He turns his head, observing that the boy silently watches them. ''You're… Finnian, right?''

Finny nods. "Uh-huh! Ciel and I room together. We've been friends for ever so long. When did you and Ciel meet?"

"Oh yes, Ciel mentioned that." Sebastian smiles, glancing a bit at Ciel as he shifts, his weight swaying from foot to foot. "We met just some weeks ago, actually. I helped him when he had a hypoglycemic attack."

Finny nods, clasping his hands together in front of himself. "That's nice. Ciel needs a lot of help. He doesn't ever listen to me, you know." Standing, he smiles brightly. "You want anything? A snack, some juice? I have graham crackers."

"No, I'm good, thank you." Sebastian hides a smirk.

Finny nods. "All right, then! I'm off to meet with Lizzy. It's so nice to meet you, Sebastian." With a final grin, he dashes out the door.

Sebastian returns his attention to Ciel, chuckling a bit. "Well, he seems nice." He stands, pulling Ciel into a warm hug for a moment.

Ciel tugs him to his bed, seeing as there is no sofa. "You came at an amazing time. Finny was trying to make me study for a test." He chuckles. "He is great. Somewhat overprotective though." Pushing him back against the bed, he sits on Sebastian's lap. "Is everything all right?"

Sebastian nods, sliding his fingers over Ciel's back, lightly running his nails against Ciel's oversized hoodie. ''I just wanted to see you, that's all.'' He smiles, planting a small kiss on the boy's powder-pink cheek.

He flushes. "Oh. All right. I'm glad you came, really." He rests on Sebastian's chest, smiling. "Have you been busy?"

''A bit, yeah.'' He smiles. ''I'm glad I got time to meet you though. What are you doing today?''

"Studying, mostly. I might accompany someone later today."

Sebastian nods. ''How long can I stay?''

"Oh, as long as you want. I can study with you here." Ciel picks up his book again, frowning at it. "Did you bring your stuff?"

''Yeah, I did.'' He opens up his bag from where it was discarded under the bed, pulling out his textbooks and notebook.

"Cool." Without thinking, Ciel shoves his sleeves back to his elbows, exposing slender wrists hashed with dozens of parallel scars. He picks up a pencil, opening his books.

Sebastian opens up his textbook as well, his eyes flicking across the page. After a few moments, he glances up from his book, eyes immediately landing on the boy's exposed wrists. ''Ciel…''

Ciel glances up with a tiny smile. "Yeah?"

Sebastian clenches his jaw as he grabs Ciel's hand, pulling his arm out on the table. ''I… Did you do this to yourself?'' His tone is upset, eyebrows furrowed in worry and confusion.

Ciel coughs, trying to summon a convincing laugh.

_Hell! That wasn't supposed to happen! I'm always so careful…_

"What? Oh, those? They're just from my cat. My parents are keeping her over the semester since I can't care for her and do school."

"Oh sure, a cat?" Sebastian gives Ciel a piercing look. "I know for a fact that this isn't what a scratch from a cat looks like." He leans forward, reaching for the boy's other wrist.

Ciel twists, trying to pull away from him. "It was an accident, I swear!"

Sebastian grabs his other hand, forcing the wrist over and revealing similar scars on it as well. "Doesn't look like an accident to me." He lets go of the boy, biting his lower lip. "Please, Ciel. Tell me the truth."

Ciel nibbles his lower lip. "Can you just accept that I don't want to?" He wriggles slightly, trying to slide off Sebastian's lap.

"Fine…" He sighs again, returning his attention to his book. "But… Just why don't you want to tell me? You can talk to me about anything, you know…"

Ciel curls up against him, head resting heavily on Sebastian's collarbone. "Because… because then you'll hate me too."

"What are you talking about?" Sebastian frowns, pulling him close. "Why would I hate you?"

"Because that's what people do. They find out your darkest secrets and realize you're not just the pretty face." Ciel's eyes squeeze closed as his skinny arms clutch his knees to his chest. He breathes in deeply, memorizing Sebastian's dark scent.

Sebastian shakes his head, hands reaching up to cup the boy's face. "Ciel, look at me. It will take a lot for me to hate you, and I promise you, nothing you could say would change my mind about you. I love you, no matter what. I want you to be ok. I love you."

Ciel reaches out, tracing Sebastian's jaw with a trembling finger. "Do… you promise?" A tiny sigh, just barely a puff of air. "I… yeah. I did it to myself."

Sebastian nods, pushing a strand of hair away from the boy's face. "Yeah, I figured. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know. There's not really anything to talk about."

"All right." Sebastian sighs lightly, obviously disappointed, as he begins to open up his notebook. "Shall we get back to studying, then?"

Ciel nods, picking up his notebook as well. "All right. You're…" He shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. "Actually, never mind. I'll just study."

_You're not mad, right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments? Critique? Fangirling? All are welcome.  
> We hope you enjoy it so far!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello! Thanks for checking out chapter three of Toxic! We have some good stuff coming up…
> 
> Sorry for the slow updates. Alyx has been going through some issues in their personal life. They also do the main editing for the story, which can be a lot. Thank you for being understanding, and realizing that they try to the best of their ability. (If you want to give them some encouragement, please do!)
> 
> WARNING. There are triggers for: sexual abuse, sexual abuse of a minor, verbal abuse, physical abuse, self-harm, and anorexia. Please, darling, if this triggers you, don't read on! We don't want you to be triggered by this.

Ciel yawns, sitting up and stretching his shoulders. He rubs along his arms, pressing gently at a healing scab. Sapphire eyes are barely slit open, the boy being still half-asleep. He rolls toward the floor.

One hip bumps into the man on his bed. Ciel yelps, momentarily forgetting last night's events. "Shit!"

_Oh. Oh, right. We must have fallen asleep, studying. Sebastian slept over here last night._

Sebastian groans gently, eyes wandering to Ciel's. ''…We fell asleep?''

"Yeah, sleepyhead." Ciel chuckles. "You nodded off, and I was going to let you sleep, but I supposed I drifted off too."

Sebastian yawns as he sits up in the bed. The springs creak under their combined weight. ''Oh, did I? Sorry.'' He smiles, giving Ciel a small kiss on his cheek. His stubble scrapes Ciel's skin.

Ciel flushes. "Oh… you don't have to apologize. We've ended up sleeping together a lot recently." He stands, tugging his shirt sleeves down without thinking. "You should probably get some breakfast."

''Yeah, guess that's true.'' Sebastian chuckles softly as he stands from the bed, his eyebrows turning down in a slight frown. ''What about you? Don't you want breakfast?''

"Not really." Ciel looks around, then reaches for his drawer. Out comes a fresh shirt, this one airbrushed with 'immortal' in gold dye that bleeds down from the letters. After changing his jeans, he tugs it on. "I'll get changed and then we can go get you something."

''Hey, why don't we just stay here?'' Sebastian sits back down on the bed. ''Maybe we could talk. Besides, I'm not that hungry.''

The boy frowns. "You didn't have supper. You should eat."

Sebastian sighs. ''Yeah, and so should you…''

"You don't know whether I ate last night." Large sapphire eyes roll.

''Look, Ciel…'' He stands, turning his head to frown at the boy. ''Even if you did eat last night, it's a new day and we both need to eat, okay?''

"What if I'm not hungry?" Ciel glances down at his hands, rubbing his inner wrists nervously. "I'm not a giant like you are."

"That's exactly why you need to eat, because you're very thin." Sebastian walks up to Ciel, placing his hands around the boy's waist. Ciel flushes. "See? I can almost fit both my hands around your waist. That's not good."

Ciel shivers softly. "So I'm a little thin. That's fine. I'm only like five feet tall for hell's sake. I eat enough for my height." He pushes gently at Sebastian's chest.

"Well, if you say so…" Sebastian sighs, but releases the boy. His mouth, pressed into a thin, frustrated line, makes Ciel's heart twinge in sadness. "Then I'm going to cook something for myself, is that okay?"

He nods. "Is it really that big of a deal to you that I eat? Why?"

"Yeah, it is. To me it just seems like you aren't eating right, for whatever reason…" Sebastian pauses, puffing out some air. "I just want you to be healthy, and you don't look or seem healthy to me, since… you self harm."

Glancing at the ground again, he sighs. "I'm fine. Please. But… if it'll make you happy, I'll do it."

Sebastian smiles. ''You'll eat with me? Then what would you like to eat?''

"You don't have to look so excited, you oaf. I don't care what we eat." Ciel rolls his eyes, combing through his hair with his fingers. Then he gathers fresh clothes and goes into the bathroom to change.

Sebastian cracks some eggs into a mixing bowl, lightly flavoring what soon will become scrambled eggs with salt and pepper. As Ciel steps into the kitchen, the man looks up from the bowl with a smile. ''Would you like to help me?''

Ciel smiles a little, uncertainly. "I… just got dressed, and I'm not great at cooking, but… Yes. If you want me to."

''Hm, don't you have an apron or something to keep your clothes clean?'' He looks around, but shortly returns his attention to the bowl. ''Could you turn on the stove?''

Ciel complies, commenting, "I have one… Lizzy gave it to me as a joke. I'm not wearing it though." He pulls out a red and pink apron adorned with the lacy words 'Kiss the Cook'.

Sebastian chuckles, grinning. ''Oh, come on. It'd be cute on you.''

"What? Are you serious?" Ciel holds it against himself. The lower ruffle of the ribbon brushes against the ground.

''Yes, I am.'' Sebastian smiles. ''Please?''

Rolling his eyes, Ciel ties the laces around himself, securing the apron. "This is ridiculous. I'm not a girl, Sebastian!" He picks up the bowl, frowning into it.

''What has that to do with this apron?'' He chuckles, placing an arm around him. ''So, can we kiss now, or…?''

Ciel smirks. "I don't have to put on an apron for you to kiss me, you know."

''I know, kitten, I was trying to be funny.'' Sebastian leans down to meet with the boy's lips, kissing him passionately.

Ciel moans softly, wrapping his hands around the man's neck. "I know, silly. You just weren't trying very hard," he teases, kissing him again. "I wish we could do this every morning."

"You mean… live together?" Ciel thinks, his eyes searching Sebastian's face.

 _He wants to live together? Why? What does he want?_ When he sees Sebastian's face become sad, he amends his statement. "I mean… we can't just walk into that blindly. We need to think about it."

"Yes, of course." Sebastian nods, his mouth softening a little. "I get that it might be too early to make such commitments, but we could always wait."

Ciel smiles. "No, I mean… I'd love to do it, but… no one even knows we're together."

''Oh, right…'' Sebastian takes the mixing bowl from Ciel, pouring the contents into the frying pan. The eggs sizzle and hiss on the hot pan. ''So, let's just tell our friends then.''

Ciel nibbles his lip, glancing at the clock on the wall. "All… right. Um… My next class starts at ten, but I usually meet with Lizzy and Finny before then. You could invite your roommate and…" He watches the eggs sizzling in the pan, drawing air into his lungs for the first time in what seems forever. "Wow. We're really doing this."

''Yes…'' Sebastian nods, smiling a bit as he looks up from the pan. ''I look really forward to this.''

"I am too." Ciel tugs him down, kissing his cheek. He strains on tiptoes, balancing delicately against Sebastian. "A little nervous, but yeah."

The man smiles, stirring the eggs gently as he adds a bit more pepper. ''Yeah… I'm a bit nervous as well.''

Ciel runs his hands through Sebastian's hair to play with the long strands. "It'll be fine, though. Do you want to go after we've eaten?"

''Yeah, sure.'' He nods as he takes out two plates, placing them next to the pan.

Ciel grabs the spatula. "I'll serve. You can get dressed, and then we'll eat and leave. I have a spare razor in the drawer if you want to shave, and you can use any soaps or stuff." He scoops a miniscule portion onto his own plate, then places the rest on Sebastian's. He hums, taking both plates to the table and arranging them neatly, placing flatware on both sides of each plate.

Sebastian returns back into the kitchen, fully dressed. His hair looks slightly damp, neater than before and he's shaves neatly. He sighs when he sees Ciel's plate. "That's all you going to eat?"

"Yeah?" Ciel lifts a forkful to his mouth. The eggs are incredible, lightly flavored enough to not distract but enhance the flavor of the eggs themselves. "Why?"

"Well, it's a very small portion." Sebastian sits down at the table, reaching for his fork. "But I guess it's better than nothing…"

Ciel rolls his eyes, pushing the eggs across his plate. "I usually eat less than this. Actually, this amount's going to mess up my intake." He finishes his portion, watching Sebastian.

Sebastian frowns, looking up at the boy as he begins to eat. "Intake? How can you survive on so little food?"

"It's fine. I usually have around 700 calories a day. This amount of eggs equals roughly 100 calories, maybe a little less." Ciel takes his plate to the sink, rinsing it. He then sets it on the counter. "So for the rest of the day, I get less food than I would if I hadn't eaten it."

Sebastian takes another bite of his eggs, still frowning. "Why do you count calories? Isn't that just pointless?"

Ciel shakes his head. "No. Not at all. It… it makes things easier, gives me something to focus on. Instead of…" he weakly holds out his wrists, "I just make certain I don't eat much. It makes me feel hazy, calmer."

Sebastian nods, finishing his portion. "All right, just don't let it get out of hand…"

He nods, taking Sebastian's empty plate to rinse in the sink. "I know, Sebastian. I've done this for a while, and I'm fine. Are you ready, then?"

"Yeah, I am."

Ciel takes a deep breath to calm his nerves before gesturing him out the door. "All right. Let's go. They'll be at a coffee shop pretty close to here."

Walking to the coffee shop only takes a few minutes, and yet Ciel feels as if they're eternity. After a few moments of listening to their footsteps against the slightly damp concrete, he asks, "What are we going to say?"

'Well, something along the lines of 'we're dating', perhaps?'' Sebastian glances down at Ciel with a grin, reaching for his hand.

Ciel flushes, lacing their fingers and squeezing Sebastian's hand gently. "Well… I suppose. All right, all right, don't tease." He guides them into a small coffee shop near a slow intersection. The door glides open silently, releasing a puff of warm, pastry-scented air.

Sebastian's eyes wanders around the place as they step inside, hand still clutching Ciel's. ''They're not here yet, are they?''

He glances around, past the display cases filled with fresh, sugary pastries and the coffee machines, glancing around the half-empty tables. "I don't—"

Ciel is interrupted by Finny popping up from behind a large plant situated rather awkwardly in front of a small table. "Ciel! Over here! And… oh, hi. You're Sebastian, right?"

''Yup, that's me.'' Sebastian nods, smiling a bit nervously as they both walk up to the table.

Ciel takes a deep breath, smiling weakly as Lizzy pops up as well, clapping excitedly. Her face is round, eyes half-closed in a large smile. "Sebastian! Hello!"

Ciel drags Sebastian forward a little, clearing his throat nervously. "Uhm… so…"

Lizzy's eyes drop to their interlocked hands, her smile fading in an instant. "Oh my god. What. This… what?"

"So… You know Sebastian, right? My… boyfriend?"

Lizzy screeches, " _But we're in love! How could you!"_

Sebastian's eyes widen at Lizzy's sudden loud screech, but he doesn't hesitate to take a step forward.

''Hey, Lizzy.'' He starts. Despite his sweet tone, Lizzy's eyes narrow in anger. ''You see… you and Ciel clearly broke up. You might not have accepted that, but you'll have to, since I'm dating him now.''

She rushes around the plant, getting in his face. "You're just using him! I know how you work, men like you! You found out what his past was like, found out his deepest secrets. And you're going to use him and throw him away!" One tiny hand strikes forward at him. "I won't let you hurt him! No one will hurt Ciel ever again!"

Ciel steps back, his eyes darting from person to person. His face grows white, his eyes pale as he drops to his knees.

" _Come here, bitch. Suck my cock and maybe you'll get fed, what?"_

_The fifteen-year-old boy sniffs, his eyes wide. The large, blue irises hold the same amount of emotion as a corpse's. "I…"_

_The man snarls, his face screwing in anger. "Are you arguing?" He kicks the tiny frame, knocking the child down onto the tiles._

" _N… no!" He rolls onto his side, but large hands grab him, pulling him upright. The man's fingers prod into his bruises, tearing yelps from his throat._

" _On your feet! Don't snivel on the ground like a whore." The boy's head snaps back as the man strikes him across the face, his cheek burning bright red. "On your knees, and if I even feel a hint of teeth, I won't feed you for a week."_

_The boy, his face still soft and smooth, never before touched by a razor, falls to his knees. At one time he would have protested, screaming loudly and striking out. At one time, he was stupid enough to think that physical resistance did some good._

_Now he opens his mouth, taking the man's length in without a murmur of protest. He barely groans when the end shoves into the back of this throat. Only the hatred in his eyes betrays his determination._

_As the man spills in his mouth, moaning out wounding praise such as "such a good whore", he pets Ciel's head. Somehow, the tender gesture is worse than the many blows._

" _You're not bad, kid. Maybe someday, if you're good, I'll let you make a little money that way. You could make a bit of cash with your mouth."_

_He pulls back, wiping his mouth and glaring at the floor. 'No. I will never do that.' His thoughts embody the boldness he is never allowed to show._

' _I will never be your whore, Uncle.'_

Ciel falls to his hands and knees, dry-heaving. His vision goes dark for a moment.

When he awakens again, he's held protectively in Sebastian's arms, blinking as Sebastian rushes into the sunlight. Sebastian lowers Ciel to his feet, their eyes shooting up at the sound of footsteps.

Her small, bowed shoes tap angrily on the ground as Lizzy stalks toward them. Her mouth opens, but Sebastian starts speaking quickly.

"Okay, before you say anything, please just hear me out. You have no right to judge me, because you don't even know me. But, I can promise you that I'm doing anything I can to help and protect Ciel."

She shakes her head, the breeze twisting her pigtails out. The golden locks look like rays of sunlight, solidified into long curls. "You can't help him. You'll end up hurting him. Look at him!"

"No, I won't." Sebastian glances down at Ciel, pulling him closer to kiss the top of his head protectively. "I love Ciel, alright? And trust me on this, I can help him. I know I can."

Ciel, shivering, presses his cheek into Sebastian's chest. The shirt is soft as a kitten's breath. "Sebastian… Sebastian, please, let's go home…"

Lizzy kneels down in front of Ciel, cupping his face. She smiles, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "Finny will stay with you if you need, Ciel. It's all right. You don't need to be alone."

"No! Sebastian! I don't want anyone else." Lizzy protests softly.

"Hey! He has a mind of his own, he decides." Sebastian glares at Lizzy, his tone and expression resolute. He then returns his attention back on Ciel. "You said you wanted to go home, yes?"

He nods, shivering. "Please. I… I want to sleep."

Sebastian nods, glancing back at Lizzy and Finny as he turns around, taking Ciel's hand in his own. Ciel gently squeezes his fingers, wiping at his own mouth. "Right then, we're leaving."

Ciel leans heavily against him, panting into his upper chest. "I don't think I can walk," he groans. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"

Sebastian places a quick kiss onto the boy's cheek. Ciel smiles faintly as he's lifted. "Don't worry, Ciel, I've got you."

"Thank you." Ciel sighs, his face hidden in the crook of Sebastian's neck. "I love you." He buries his hands inside the warm folds of Sebastian's coat, sniffing softly. He closes his eyes, the rocking motion soon lulling him into a dreamlike state.

When Sebastian opens the door to his own dorm, Ciel opens his eyes, wrapping his arms around the man's neck.

"You can stay here for a while, if you want. My roommate won't be back until like two days, so I'm not going to have much company." Sebastian carries the boy to the kitchen as he speaks, putting him down on a chair.

Ciel slumps down against the table. The flat surface is wonderfully cold. "Thank you. So, so much." He doesn't glance around much before pulling at his shirt. "I should take a shower or something, I'm all sweaty."

"Yeah, I need a shower as well, but you can go in first." He sits down at the table, sighing as he runs a hand through his raven hair.

_He looks so tired. No wonder. Caring for you has always been a pain for anyone who loves you._

A tentative hand brushes Sebastian's arm. "Hey. Let's take one together?"

Sebastian smiles, standing up again. "Yes, sure."

_Better. See? I'm not such a pain._

He smiles, pulling him close and burying his face in Sebastian's chest. "Thank you… I love you."

Sebastian wraps his arms around the boy. _Cloves and black tea._ "I love you too."

After a few moments, Ciel pulls back, wiping his eyes on the back of his hand. "We should probably get going. Uh… I don't have anything to change into though…" He fiddles with his shirt. "My stuff's all gross; I'll have to wash it."

"No worries, I'll find something for you to wear." He smiles, walking past Ciel to open the bathroom door.

He steps in, a little cautiously. The bathtub is much larger than his own, to his relief. "Can we take a bath? It might make things easier."

_Hell. He hasn't seen the scars on my hips! What… no, don't panic. It's a bath, and you can draw up your knees._

"Of course." Sebastian walks up to the tub, turning on the water and adding a bit of bubble solution. "I hope you don't mind… I rather like bubble baths." As the water is running, he pulls out two towels, giving one to Ciel before he begins to undress.

Ciel drapes it over his shoulders, making sure he's completely hidden before pulling off his clothes. The moment the tub is filled, he slides in, drawing his knees to his chest. The bubbly water comes halfway up his chest, only the tops of his knees peeking out.

Sebastian removes his boxers. Both hands grip the sides of the tub as he lowers himself into the hot water. With a small smile, he leans back in the tub, closing his eyes.

Ciel watches him a minute, blushing. _Damn… how did he ever fall for me?_ "Err… pass the soap?"

Sebastian opens his eyes. He grabs the bottle, handing it to Ciel with a smile. "Here you go." Then he rests again, the very ends of his hair trailing through the suds.

Still flushed, Ciel scrubs himself, trying not to look at Sebastian through the steam.

_Or… through the water… If the bubbles weren't there I could see his…_

_Hold right there, Ciel Phantomhive. Hold. Right. There._

He struggles to scrub his back, unable to reach the very center. "Can… can you…?"

Sebastian blinks, frowning a bit in confusion. "Hm?"

"Could… you wash my back?"

Sebastian sits up, a small smile forming on his lips. His eyes glitter. ''Sure, come here.''

Ciel crawls over, sitting in front of him with his back to the man. He shivers gently, not enough to see, but enough that when Sebastian touches him, he'll feel it.

_Stop, idiot. He's not… he won't hurt you. Stop it!_

Sebastian pours some soap onto the boy's back, his hands beginning to smoothly scrub his shoulders, then down his back. The soap overpowers Sebastian's scent with the fragrance of vanilla and roses.

He purrs softly, feeling Sebastian's fingers press down his back, on either side of his spine. "Ohh... That's..." He moans gently, arching back. Those talented fingers press into the tense muscles above each shoulder blade.

Sebastian smirks at the small moan, his hands sliding up from his back across his shoulders, massaging them gently. "You like this, Ciel?"

Ciel groans, his head falling back. "Yes… very much…" The words come out on a breathy pant, his shoulders rolling back into Sebastian's hands. "Oh…"

Sebastian leans forward, pressing against Ciel as he begins to trail light kisses along the boy's exposed neck. His length is hot against the small of the boy's back.

Ciel shivers. "W...wait. Wait, Sebastian. What are you doing?"

"Oh… I thought…" He lets go, leaning back a bit. Ciel can hear surprise in his tone. "Sorry."

Ciel turns, his face downcast as he studies the base of the tub. "I'm sorry… I just don't…" He sighs, shifting onto his knees to rest his head on Sebastian's shoulder. "I'm not ready for that yet. I love you… but I can't."

"It's okay, Ciel." Sebastian smiles, patting the boy's hair. "I should've just asked before I did anything…"

He sniffs a little. "I hate this. I'm so weak… I should be able to give you something… If… you want… we can…" Despite his words, Ciel begins to shake.

"No, no, it's okay." He cups Ciel's cheek with his hand, looking into his eyes. His irises are hot, confidant yet gentle. "Just being here with you is enough."

Ciel nods, breathing heavily. "Thanks. I'm sorry..." He runs a hand through Sebastian's hair. The strands are still wet, soap residue slightly gluing them together.

"Don't be." Sebastian smiles, leaning back again. "So… Do you want to talk about what happened? I mean, back at the coffee shop."

He shrugs. "I had a flashback. It has to do with my _great_ childhood."

Sebastian nods slowly. "So… do you want to talk about that?"

"Uh... I don't know. I mean…" Ciel shifts, sitting on the porcelain of the tub. He molds the bubbles for a moment to collect his thoughts.

"You know about my paren… oh, wait…" He sighs, clearing his throat nervously. "So, my parents died in a plane crash when I was a little under eighteen. It was completely accidental, instrument malfunction. And… when they died..."

He sighs again. "There… was a man. My father and he were friends, and when my parents were away, which was often because of their line of work, he would stay and watch me. He was like an uncle, so that's what I called him. One day… I was only twelve at the time… he came to my bed. And I lost my virginity, unwillingly.

"It became a practice of his. My parents would leave for a month or two at a time, and he would come to my bed once, maybe twice a week. He abused me, bruising my ribs and leaving some scars. This continued for six years, until my parents died and I came here."

He sits in silence a few moments, nervously curling and uncurling his fingers.

_Don't just sit there. What are you thinking?_

_Idiot. He hates you now that you've rejected. All he wanted was you naked and bent over his bed._

_No. Sebastian isn't like_ him _. He can't be._

"Ciel…" Sebastian finally whispers. "I… I had no idea."

He shrugs, hands pushing aimlessly at the water. "Whatever. But now you know why I'm not comfortable with… you know." He shifts back a little.

"Yeah…" He breathes out, reaching his hand forward to lace their fingers together. "I just… I want you to know that you're safe with me, okay? I will always be by your side, and nothing could ever make me change my mind. You have to remember that."

Ciel nods, his cheeks faintly pink. "Thank you… thank you." He squeezes Sebastian's fingers gently before rising, reaching for a towel.

_I'm free from you, Uncle. You don't have me any more._

_You can't control me, Diedrich._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yesss. Things happen in this chapter. So excited.
> 
> Warning: Alyx was kind of feeling suckish this week, so shit editing. It will be looked through again, but for now… read on. _There's smut_ I didn't say that.

Ciel lifts another box, his hair sticking against his forehead. With his free hand, he wipes his forehead. The wind pushes equally warm air against his hot forehead, bringing up sweat that stains the cardboard box.

Just as he's about to hurry to the moving van, his cell phone rings, the vibrations traveling up his hip bone. With a curse, he sets the box down. "Yeah?"

"Hi, Ciel. It's Lizzy. Do you guys need help moving?" Her voice is cheery, yet underneath the joviality he hears the strain of frustration that so often colors her tone these days. She has never gotten over her resentment of Sebastian, yet she does try to be happy for him.

Poor Lizzy. _I wish I could make her happy too._

Ciel glances at Sebastian, who's lifting his mattress into the vehicle. His muscles, slick and glowing with sweat, ripple under his skin. Ciel's face flushes.

_Already a month… We're already going to live together. So much has happened. I depend on him for so much. I couldn't have ever imagined how happy he'd make me._

_"_ I don't know." He turns from the phone. "Sebastian! Do we need some help moving?"

Sebastian glances back, heaving the mattress's end inside the van. ''Yeah… why not?''

He nods. "Ok, yeah, you can come over. We're just moving to my place though… It's not too far." Glancing over, he covers the phone to ask, "Wait, you can leave your mattress, remember. I have one."

''Oh, right…'' Sebastian lifts the mattress out of the van and onto the pavement, then walks up to Ciel. ''Who are you talking to?''

Ciel grins, his eyes curving in mischief. "Lizzy… why? You want to talk?"

'Just wondering.'' He stands before Ciel, smiling. ''And no, I'm good.''

Ciel covers the mouth piece again, giving Sebastian a lingering kiss before muttering, "Yeah, see you soon, bye." He then leans up, kissing Sebastian gently. The phone dangles loosely in his hand as he wraps his arms around Sebastian's neck. "I'm so excited."

''Yeah, I am too.'' Sebastian smiles, kissing Ciel back as he pulls him closer. Their noses bump, making Ciel chuckle a little. ''Are we ready to leave, then?''

Ciel grins a little, resting his head on Sebastian's shoulder. "That eager to move in with me?"

"No, not at all." He chuckles.

Gently, Ciel bites Sebastian's lower lip before kissing him again. He smirks into Sebastian's lips. "Smart-ass. Come on, get in the car."

"Of course." He smiles, walking past Ciel to climb inside the car.

Ciel climbs into the passenger seat, thinking aloud. "All right, we've got your furniture and clothing all packed… Finny moved out yesterday, and we can put a few things in there if need be… Next, we need to move your kitchen stuff, but it's only like three boxes. And then I think we'll be done! Anything you want to do tonight?"

"Great!" Sebastian fastens his seatbelt, glancing at Ciel. "And… I was thinking we could eat some nice dinner, and maybe watch a movie?"

"Oh, yeah, that's be great." Ciel glances shyly at him. "We could always rent a movie and watch it in our bed, you know..."

"Yeah, good idea." He smiles.

Ciel flushes again, nibbling his lip excitedly. "This is going to be wonderful."

"Yeah, I'm so glad we made this happen." Sebastian smiles softly.

"I am too." Ciel leans forward, almost brushing his lips when a loud horn makes him jump.

The driver, a middle-aged man in a grimy minivan, leans out his window, yelling, "Hit the road or find a room!" He flips them off, growling under his breath.

"I guess we should go."

Sebastian nods as he starts the car, driving out on the road. "Not exactly a subtle hint. He was probably jealous of me."

Ciel blushes, chuckling. "So, Lizzy'll meet us at my apartment at some point. The first thing we're doing is to move my piano into Finny's old room, then from there everything should move quickly." One hand sneaks over to rest on Sebastian's knee. "You're sure you don't want your own bedroom?"

Sebastian nods, eyes focused on the road. "Yeah, I'm sure." Then he glances at Ciel, smirking. "Why would I want to sleep alone when I have an incredibly cute boyfriend to hold all night?"

Ciel blushes, his cheeks hot. He squeezes Sebastian's thigh gently, feeling his strength and warmth. "So who is he? I thought I was your boyfriend. Are you cheating on me, sir?"

Sebastian chuckles, running a hand over Ciel's cheek before returning it to the wheel. "No I'm not. It's you of course, silly."

The boy grins. "Well, if you insist." He watches out the window until they arrive, pulling through the gravel in front of the dorm. Ciel climbs out, heading around to open the back of the vehicle. "You want me to carry these boxes?"

He picks up two boxes, which tower above his head and make him stumble. The combined weight feels about as much as his, making slender arms tremble. "I think the elevator might be working now. Which is good."

Sebastian walks up to Ciel, catching one box that is falling over with ease. "Here, let me carry them."

"I can do it, it's no problem." Ciel reaches for the box again.

"All right, be careful then." Sebastian picks up his guitar, pulling the strap over his shoulder as he picks up another box.

Ciel snorts, carefully balancing the boxes. "All right, mother hen. I'll get the elevator while you get your boxes." He hurries down the pathway, mincing around rocks and loose gravel. Resting the boxes on the ground, he presses the button for the elevator.

The doors slide open and Ciel lifts his boxes in, gasping as he sees the man. Sebastian, along with his original two boxes and guitar, has managed to lift another two boxes, the cardboard held firmly in his large hands. "You didn't have to bring the entire truck by yourself!"

"It's fine." He smiles. "Plus, this is no match for me."

"Whatever, drama king. Get in." The doors slide shut and Ciel leans against the wall of the elevator. Thankfully, Bard's flamethrower was recently confiscated due to an exasperated fire department, so the car travels to the top floor without incident.

They carry the boxes into the dorm, setting them in the bedroom.

"Ready to move the piano?"

Sebastian nods, walking toward the piano. ''This shouldn't be too hard.''

"It's only a spinet, so we can get it ourselves." Ciel opens the door to Finny's old room, clearing a path. Then he returns, pulling up his side of the piano. His fingers turn red and white within seconds.

"Ready?" he grunts.

''Yeah.'' Sebastian grips the side of the piano, lifting it with ease. Together, they carry it to the other room, placing it against the wall. "All right, what's next?''

Ciel rolls his shoulders, thinking. "Let's unpack your stuff into the closet, then bring up the dresser and the nightstand and their boxes. After that, all we have is the three boxes for the kitchen and the bathroom stuff to get from your place."

''All right.'' Sebastian sits down on the bed, unpacking one box. The neatly folded and sorted contents are easily arranged in the dressers. ''When's Lizzy coming over? I'm thinking we'll be done pretty quickly if we have more people carrying in the rest of the stuff.''

Ciel goes through another box, hanging things up and folding others. One shirt refuses to fold no matter how he wrestles with it, so when Sebastian is preoccupied he shoves it into the dresser still balled up.

"She should be here any minute. Although she's going to want to take us out for a meal afterwards…" He wrinkles his nose

He nods, glancing at Ciel. ''Well, we can deal with that later.''

"I suppose."

Sebastian folds his last article of clothing on the bed, stretching his back a bit as he stands up. ''All right, let's go get the rest of the stuff—"

A loud knock interrupts, and Lizzy springs in through the unlocked door. "Hello! I'm here, finally, and I brought the boys!"

Finny, with a few of his friends, waves at them, shooing the others through the doorway. "What d'you need, then?"

Sebastian walks out of the bedroom, greeting them. ''It would be great if you could help us carry the last of my stuff from the van, it's not that much left.''

They agree, clambering down the stairs. The boys each grab two boxes, then hurry to pack into the elevator. With all the helpers, the boxes' contents are soon distributed to their various drawers and hangers. Then Finny unfolds the boxes, flattening them and tucking them under the bed for future use.

It only takes a few moment to unload, then Ciel returns to pick up the last few boxes from Sebastian's apartment.

Once the boxes and the furniture are placed in the bedroom, Sebastian begins to unpack the boxes, decorating the bedroom and other places around the apartment. He then returns to the bedroom, sorting out the last of his clothes, folding them into the dresser.

Ciel lifts the box, hearing various cooking utensils rattling inside. After setting it gently with the others, he drives back to the apartment, lifting two boxes and heading into the elevator.

"The last one's in the truck, since I can only get two," Ciel calls as he walks in.

''I'll go get it.'' Sebastian walks out of the bedroom, giving Ciel a gentle kiss as he walks past , hand brushing Ciel's hair. He opens the door, soon returning with the last box, walking into the kitchen to unpack the various utensils and ingredients.

Ciel has unpacked his two boxes, leaving the items he's unsure of on the table for Sebastian to arrange. "We'll be done here, I think, after we put the boxes away. Lizzy's out taking the boys home, but then she said something about taking us out." He grins. "Want to skip out before she returns so we can have a meal by ourselves?"

Sebastian nods as he looks up from the box. ''Yeah, that'd be great.''

"All right. I'll pull the car around." He lifts a few pans to put them away as he head out to the car.

After a few moments, Sebastian slides into the car. ''Where are we going to eat then?''

Ciel rakes a hand through his hair. "Uhh… I don't know. Someplace with a salad bar, maybe? That little pasta shop down by the college is pretty good, plus it's cheap."

''Sure.'' Sebastian says with a nod as he puts on the seat belt, his gaze wandering off to somewhere in the distance.

They drive in silence, Ciel focused on the hectic road until he pulls into the parking lot of a local restaurant. He smiles at Sebastian as he unbuckles. "You all right?"

Sebastian turns his head to look at Ciel, smiling back. ''Yeah. Why'd you ask?''

"You were just quiet." He shrugs, reaching for Sebastian's hand. The man chuckles at him, entwining their fingers as they walk.

Ciel sighs. "I should probably turn my phone back on in case someone calls… Oh, hell, Lizzy's called twice. She wants to meet for lunch…" The bell above the door tinkles as they walk in.

Said girl stands, frowning, in front of a table.

''Oh… great.'' Sebastian sighs as he spots the blonde, glancing down a bit at Ciel as Lizzy floats up to them, chattering with a huge smile.

"Ciel! There you are, I thought you'd never get here. So you got my texts on the address?" She tugs the boy to a seat next to her, then blinks at Sebastian. "Oh. Hi, Sebastian. You can sit here too if you want. I'll order another water and tell the waiter to set you a place."

"Wow, thanks.'' Sebastian lets out a small sigh as he sits down at the table, starting to take off his jacket. Ciel stands up to sit next to Sebastian, his hand on his boyfriend's thigh.

"Hey. It's just a meal, then we can go back and watch a movie in our bed, all right?" The boy smiles at the waiter, who looks just a few years older than Ciel himself. "I'd like another water for my boyfriend, please."

Sebastian nods as he leans back a bit in the chair, eyes wandering around the place.

The waiter smiles a bit shyly as he sets down the water in front of Sebastian. "In case you didn't know, I'm Joanne, and I'll be your server today. All right, will you be ordering or are you here for our famous salad bar?"

Ciel, hand still on Sebastian's leg, says, "Salad bar for me." Joanne nods, writing it down.

_I shouldn't be touching Sebastian so much. Oh, who cares? He's my boyfriend._

Sebastian takes a small sip of the water, smiling gently as he looks up at the waiter. ''I'll take a pasta salad."

The boy, his silver-blonde hair brushing his chin, nods, writing it down as well. Ciel stands, walking to the salad bar and getting a sparse amount of food while Lizzy orders. Out of the many rather exotic choices, he chooses ones he knows would be least calorific.

He frowns down at his plate, calculating the calorie amounts of the lettuce, the tomato slice, and the few shreds of cheese. _Shouldn't put me too far behind… I'll just eat a really small dinner._

He hurries back, taking a seat next to Sebastian. The man checks his phone, scrolling through something for a few moments. When the food finally arrives, he puts the phone back into his pocket, taking a bite of the salad and glancing at Ciel. ''Mm, this place is really good. How's yours?''

"Good, I guess." Ciel shrugs. "I mean… it's salad. It just kind of is, you know?" He takes another bite, nearly finishing his food with the few bites. "I wish I could have one of those cookies, the ones with melted chocolate that's all hot when you bite into it."

Sebastian nods, chewing his food before answering. ''Yeah, that sounds delicious. Maybe we can make homemade cookies someday.''

"Oh hell yes. We can pick up some chocolate and you can make them while I watch the movie." He grins at Sebastian, leaving his food as he waits for the others to finish.

''Oh, you're just gonna leave me to do all the work?'' The man chuckles a bit, digging his fork into the salad. ''I might as well just eat them all myself then.''

Ciel pouts. "You wouldn't give your boyfriend a single one?"

''Nope.'' Sebastian chuckles again, putting down the fork as he finishes his food. ''Just kidding. You can eat as many cookies as you'd like, kitten.''

"Good. You'd better." He chuckles, pulling the man down for a kiss. "You ready?"

Sebastian smiles. ''Yeah.''

Ciel pays for their meals, bidding Lizzy goodbye. "I have a movie at my place, so we can go straight there." Pausing, he asks, "You did realize I was teasing, right? I want to help make the cookies."

''Yeah, of course I did.'' He smiles, taking Ciel's hand in his own. ''And as I said, I would've just eaten all the cookies if you wouldn't help me bake them.''

Ciel pouts again, his plump lower lip pushing out a little. "Awww, no fair. I like being lazy." With his spare hand, he starts the car, driving back to the dorm with little conversation.

* * *

 

Sebastian walks into the kitchen once they're back at the apartment, putting down the groceries they just bought on their way back. "Do you want to start right away?"

"Sure." Ciel rummages around, finding a large bowl. "Is this good?"

Sebastian nods, unpacking the groceries. ''I'm just gonna look up a good recipe then, unless you already have one?''

"I think there's one on the back of the chocolate chip bag." He sets the bowl on the counter, pulling out the bag of chocolate. "Let me put on my apron really quick."

With a flourish, Ciel dons his "Kiss the Cook" apron, smirking at his boyfriend as he ties the bright red laces around himself. "Now you're obligated to kiss me, you know," he purrs.

''Right, I can use that recipe.'' Sebastian looks up from the recipe, a crooked smile forming on his lips. ''I love this apron.'' He sneaks an arm around Ciel's waist, pulling him in for a kiss.

Ciel tilts his head, hands lacing in Sebastian's hair as he kisses him with a soft moan. "Perhaps I should wear it more often, then…" He stretches up on tiptoe, kissing Sebastian with hungry fervor. Their tongues gently touch, Ciel's running along Sebastian's lip briefly.

Sebastian hums, closing his eyes as he cups Ciel's cheek with his other hand, lightly caressing it with his thumb.

Ciel moans, eyes squeezing shut. He slowly leans back against the counter, his legs wrapping around Sebastian's waist as his hands tug at Sebastian's hair, his waist, his shoulders. Finally, his fingers ding into the man's dark shirt. He pants, pulling back for a moment and gently grinding into him.

Sebastian bites down on his lower lip, panting lightly as his hands runs up Ciel's slender thighs. ''Ah, Ciel…'' Leaning forward, he presses his mouth onto Ciel's neck, sucking and kissing the soft skin greedily.

"Ahh!" Ciel's head falls back as he begins to grind in earnest. "G… god…" His nails sink into Sebastian's shoulder a little, legs pulling the man closer. "I want you so badly… I'm almost afraid of how badly…"

Sebastian groans against the boy's skin, biting down on it and soliciting a whimper. ''Aahhh, I want you too…'' He whispers huskily into Ciel's ear, breathing out a throaty moan at the friction. ''God… Ciel, I want to fuck you so bad.''

The boy shivers, tingles running down his spine from the man's hot words. "I… I… ahh…" he whimpers, hips canting forward steadily. "I want you to… want you to so much…"

Sebastian kisses him, nibbling his lip, hands sneaking up Ciel's shirt as he trails kisses along his jaw, down to the other side of the boy's neck. Long fingers pinch the boy's nipple, tugging it gently.

Ciel arches upward with a loud cry, releasing into his pants. "I… Oh, god!" His eyes close, mouth falling open as he thrusts into Sebastian in the afterglow of his orgasm.

Sebastian releases shortly after, a small groan escaping his lips. ''Oh fuck, Ciel…'' His chin rests lazily on Ciel's shoulder, panting softly.

Ciel's eyes widen, the pupils blown and glassy. His fingers, previously hooked in Sebastian's hair, tighten into claws as he begins to pant, face paling.

"N… no…" With a gasp, he scrabbles away from the man. "Don't touch me! Please! I… I'm sorry, I won't do it again!"

''Ciel?'' Sebastian stands still, watching the boy with an expression mixed with confusion and worry. ''What are you talking about? What's wrong?''

_The man towers over him, his face a hard mask of fury. "What do you think you're doing, you fucking brat?"_

_One leg draws back, the toe of his boot driving into the boy's side again and again and again…_

His eyes huge, Ciel watches The man, his face taunt with fear. "Uncle… no, I'm sorry… I didn't mean to. I swear, I was trying to play it right!" Jaw quivering, he presses his knees into his chest until he's curled in a tiny ball. "Please don't hurt me again!"

''No, no, no, Ciel.'' He kneels down on the floor. The boy shies away from him. ''It's me, Sebastian. Please, look at me. It's okay, no one's gonna hurt you anymore.''

" _Get back here, bitch! I'm going to teach you why you don't mess up."_

_Claws descend on him, pinning his wrists, his legs spread so far…_

"No!" The boy crawls backwards away from Sebastian. "Please! Not again, I can't take it again! I'm still bleeding from last night, please Uncle. I'll let you do anything you want, just don't put it in me."

_His pants are forced down, fingers…_

''Ciel! It's me, Sebastian!'' Sebastian moves forward, grabbing Ciel's face in his hands, forcing him to meet his eyes. ''You're safe, Ciel. Please, calm down.'' His breath is soft and sweet against Ciel's face.

Trembling, Ciel fights him a moment, then stills. The man's eyes are wide, shocked and scared yet still strong. "Se… Se…" he whimpers, curling forward into Sebastian's chest, his frame wracked with sobs. "He… I thought you were him."

''It's okay, Ciel. You're safe with me.'' He embraces Ciel, patting his back gently. After holding him for a bit, Sebastian lets go of him, kissing his cheek. ''We should... change. And maybe we can go lay down and watch the movie.'' He swallows. ''Or… if you want to talk about… _him_ , we can do that.'

"What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you how he raped me? How he would make me do horrible, horrible things, beg to be fucked? Do you want me to tell you how much I bled when he took me dry?" He shrugs. "There's nothing to talk about."'

Sebastian turns his head away from Ciel, clenching his fists. The tendons in his neck stand out as he growls, ''Where is he now? I swear to god I will-''

Ciel takes Sebastian's face in his hands. "You'll what? Beat him up? Kill him? Don't. What good would it do? Then he'd be dead, sure, but I'd be alone while you rot in prison." Sighing, he strokes Sebastian's cheek. "He's probably still back in my hometown. I haven't kept track of him for fear of…" Pearly teeth bite into a plump lower lip as Ciel's eyes turn sad.

"I know how you feel… Sometimes I want to kill him too… But promise me you won't. Ever. I don't want to lose you too."

''I… I won't.'' Sebastian stares into the boy's sapphire eyes, his pained expression suddenly softening, a small smile forming on his lips. ''You do realize that I'd do anything to make you happy, right? I love you, so much.''

Ciel's eyes widen, his lips curving in a tiny smile. "Thank you… Thank you. I love you too." He rests his head on Sebastian's shoulder. "I… could I get something to eat? I'm starving…"

''You don't have to ask me, you live here too, silly.'' Sebastian smiles as he stands up, pulling Ciel up with him. ''I'll go change, then we can get something to eat.''

"Err… would… you mind if I stayed?" The boy clutches Sebastian close. "I… after a flashback, I'm kind of shaky… sorry…" He grimaces at his sticky pants. "Although I'll need to change and clean myself too, shit. Don't know how this'll work."

''Then why don't you come change with me?''

Ciel nibbles his lip. "Well… all right."

Sebastian smiles, then turns around to walk into the bedroom. He pulls out a new pair of underwear from the dresser as he casually steps out of the soiled clothing, wrinkling his nose as he looks down on the mess. ''God, these stains are going to be hard to get rid of…" He sighs. ''Oh well, good thing it's only underwear.''

Ciel quickly looks away, stuttering, "Y… you want me to come and change… or will you hand me a cloth and some clothes? I mean, I can wash myself…"

''You can come here, if you want. I'll help'' Sebastian puts on the fresh, clean underwear, dragging up his jeans again. Ciel can already imagine his teasing smirk.

He peeks through his slender fingers, cheeks flushing as he makes certain Sebastian's fully dressed. "Umm… are you gonna go out, or…?" His face flushes as he pulls out fresh clothes. "I mean, I don't mind either way, it's just that… I…"

"I'll go out." He smiles gently, walking up to give Ciel a small kiss before he walks out of the room.

Ciel cleans himself quickly, frowning at the sticky mess in his underwear. "Hey, Sebastian?" he calls.

''Yeah?''

"Did…" he flushes, biting his lip. "Did you mean it?"

Sebastian frowns. ''Did I mean what?''

Pulling up his pants, he walks out. "That… that you want me. You know… want to fuck me."

''Yes… of course I want to. Very much.'' He pulls Ciel in for a hug, kissing the boy's downy hair. ''But, I get that you don't want to. And I'm fine with that, for as long as you don't want to. I don't want you to be afraid. So, if you don't want to, we won't.''

"I don't… not yet." Ciel nuzzles him, kissing his neck gently. "But… if you want me… then maybe someday we can..."

Sebastian nods. ''Yeah, take your time, I don't want you to feel forced to do anything. All right?''

He smiles. "All righ…" A loud growl rumbles from his stomach, and he flushes. "Maybe I should get that food."

''Yeah, I should get something as well.'' He lets go of Ciel, then follows him into the kitchen. ''Hm, what is there to eat? Maybe I could cook something for us…''

"I don't keep food, as you know, so… we have ice chips? Or I think we have some bread. Might be moldy."

''What? You're not eating that.'' He sighs. ''Oh well, I'll go buy something. What do you want to eat? Chinese, fast food…''

Ciel rolls his eyes. "I _was_ teasing. But I really don't care. A kid's meal of anything."

''All right, I'll go get something then.'' He walks into the hallway, putting on his jacket and his long, black boots. ''I'll be back in a few.''

"Kay. I'll be here." Ciel curls on the bed, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and lighting one up. The smoke curls around his fingers.

* * *

Sebastian walks down the street, hurrying over to the other side to get to a simple Chinese take-out restaurant next to an apartment complex. He orders, and the stir-fry arrives shortly after. He then walks out with the food in his hand, but as he turns left just after opening the door, he bumps into a man.

The bag of food falls to the ground, various containers spilling out. Ciel's meal ends upside down next to the man's foot.

"Hey! Careful there, or someday you'll get hurt." The man, a portly raven-hair gentleman in a black blazer, frowns at him, picking up the container. After gathering the rest of the food, he hands the bag back to Sebastian. "Here. Don't want to get your girlfriend's food messed up."

''Oh, thank you.'' He chuckles, taking the bag from the man. ''What makes you think that I have a girlfriend?''

"Couldn't help but notice there was a kid's meal. You don't exactly seem the type to have kids, and a college student doesn't have time to babysit, so..." he smiles, his face rounding. "Girlfriend."

Sebastian shakes his head a bit, smiling. ''No, I have a boyfriend. But still, you're good.''

He laughs. "Thank you. I've had a bit of practice. Now… let me guess. He's younger than you, or at least shorter… also a college student… and has grey-blue hair."

Sebastian blinks, eyes narrowing and darkening to an almost red. "That's… Yeah, you're right."

"Oh… that probably sounded weird, sorry." The man scratches his head, then smooth the errant hairs again. "I used to work as a private investigator for some rather popular people, so I have a natural eye. What about you, do you have a side job?"

''That's amazing.'' Sebastian smiles, his jaw relaxing. ''No… Or well, I have a band, but I wouldn't exactly call that a job. We do earn a bit of money from it, but it's not like we want it to become anything big… We just enjoy playing for people.''

"That's great! I had a… son once… Very dear to me." The man's eyes grow a touch watery, but he continues, fist against his mouth, a wall against tears. "My boy was very good at music. I loved to hear him play, especially his piano. What I wouldn't give to hear someone like him again… Like a little angel."

Sebastian gaze falls to the ground, biting down on his lip. ''Oh… I'm sorry.'' He then looks up again, a small smile forming on his lips. ''Ciel, my boyfriend, plays the piano. He's really great.''

The man pauses, turning to Sebastian with a creased brow. "Ciel? What an unusual name. Could he possibly be Ciel Phantomhive, son of Vincent Phantomhive? I worked for Vincent a little before his accident."

Sebastian raises his eyebrows. ''Really? Yeah, that's him.''

The portly man stirs into action, tugging his jacket tight around himself. "Well, that's great. I hope to hear him someday." He, nodding. "I suppose I'll see you around, sir." He walks off, frown knitting itself across his face the moment Sebastian's out of view.

_Well, well, Ciel. Found you._

_Did you think your uncle wouldn't come looking._

The small apartment complex across the street from the college dorms soon has a new tenant, a portly gentleman with perfectly slicked hair.

Diedrich Fabel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With that, chapter four is finished! And Toxic is now on a brief hiatus so the authors can write something new.
> 
> We're starting a short aside fic entitled Ivory Queen, involving the most lovely lesbians around Kuroshitsuji. Yes, we are actually writing lesbian!SebaCiel, set in the canon time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, but I'm finally back with a new chapter!! This chapter is basically just centered around mental illness, especially eating disorders, past abuse and A LOT of angst ;_; 
> 
> Please, if you know that you're easily triggered by those themes, don't read it. Thanks!
> 
> \- Spirit

’’Seebaaaastian~’’

Ciel rolls over onto his stomach on the bed, glancing up at Sebastian with a pout.

‘’I’m not hungry, so I’ll just eat lunch later.’’ _I can’t eat today. I ate way too much Chinese food yesterday._

Sebastian turns around to face the boy on the bed, his brows knitted together into a frown. 

‘' _Ciel_.’’ Sebastian says in a serious tone, almost in a way a parent would. He pulls a pair of black sweatpants over his pale, long legs, glancing toward Ciel.

‘’You barely ate any dinner yesterday, so you have to eat some breakfast.’’ Sebastian insists.

Ciel lets out an irritated sigh, propping himself up on his elbows as he rolls his eyes at the man.  _He doesn’t understand, does he?_

‘’Sebastian, I’m telling you...’’ Ciel begins, his voice low. Unable to look Sebastian in the eyes, he averts his gaze to the window. He bites down on his lip as he watches the small raindrops roll down the window. 

'’...I’m not hungry.’’ Ciel slowly says.  _Oh well, that’s a lie. But I can’t quit when I’m doing this good._

Sebastian sighs, pulling a white t-shirt over his head as he walks up to the bed. He places his hands around his hips, glancing down at Ciel. He don't want to argue about something like this, but he don't want to give up that easily either. After all, Ciel's well being has come to be his highest priority. 

‘’I’m going to make scrambled eggs. Can’t you at least taste some of it?’’ Sebastian carefully asks as a small, hopeful smile forms on his lips. ''Please?''

Ciel shakes his head no, watching Sebastian's smile fade away.

''Fine.'' Sebastian says, his voice flat. He sighs in defeat as he turns around to walk out of the bedroom.

‘’Sebastiaaan.'' Ciel whines, grabbing the man's arm before he can move any further. Sebastian glances down at him with a stern face. 

''Don't be like that. I promise I'll eat lunch later, ok?'’ Ciel says, forcing a smile to spread across his lips as he glances up at Sebastian, hoping he'll buy it.

Sebastian hesitates, but slowly nods. 

''You promise?'' He asks, pulling Ciel up from the bed in a swift motion.

Ciel nods with a tiny smile, chuckling as Sebastian presses a kiss to his forehead. Behind his back, he crosses his fingers.

‘’I promise.’'

 

* * *

 

Ciel’s eyes flutters open. He glances toward the nightstand. _7.30 PM. Did.. did I fall asleep?_

His awfully dry mouth suddenly waters as the scent of food makes its way through his nose. He’s reminded of the anxious lump in his throat, seeming to grow even bigger as he realizes just what type of food he can smell. _Wait, it can't be. Am I imagining things now?_

Ciel gingerly sits up in the bed, grabbing the edge as he stands up. The dizziness hits him like a wave, his eyesight blurred as he fumbles towards the door. He manages to grip the wall just before he's about to collapse.

_Right, so I didn't eat. But why should I?_

Ciel stands there, taking a few deep breaths as the dizziness begins to ease off, leaving his body weak and dull. He then walks out on his frail legs in direction toward the kitchen.

''Enjoyed your nap?'' Sebastian asks as he spots Ciel in the corner of his eye. He pulls out a colander, tipping the spaghetti into it.

''Yeah..'' Ciel mumbles, eyes set on the food. He slumps down on the bar stool, getting a better view of what he's cooking. Sebastian tips the drained spaghetti into the already fried bacon, slowly stirring it together in the frying pan. Ciel's heart skips a beat, eyes widening as a sudden memory flashes before his eyes.

_‘’Ciel, honey! The dinner’s almost ready!’’_

_The boy sprints out of the living room and into the kitchen, smiling happily at the wonderful smell of food._ _He hugs his mother’s waist as he peeks up at the food cooking on the stove._

_‘’It’s your favorite.’’ His mother hums, smiling at the boy as she takes a pinch of salt and spreads it over the pasta in a graceful motion. ‘’Spaghetti carbonara.’’_

_The boy giggles, tightening his grip around his mother._   _The sudden sound of footsteps causes the small boy to snap his head toward the doorpost, eyes widening with happiness as he sees his father._

_''Daddy!''_

_Just as the boy is about to sprint forward and hug his father, he stops. Behind his father appears his angry-looking colleague, causing the small boy to hide behind his mother._

_His father chuckles, kneeling down in front of him._

_‘’Still intimidated by Dee, huh?’’  His father glances back at the other man, smiling softly. ‘’'I wonder why.''_

_The other man gives his father a dirty look, followed by a snarl, supposedly because of his father's mockery._

_''He's nothing to be scared of.'' His father insists as he returns his attention back to him, lightly patting his head._

_His father stands up, pressing a kiss to his mother's cheek before he exits the room with the angry-looking man._

 

Turning to face Ciel, Sebastian notice the absent, almost troubled look on his face. 

‘’What’s the matter?’’ He carefully asks.

''What?'' Ciel blinks, looking away from the food and up at the worried-looking Sebastian.  _I spaced out again, didn't I? And now's he's worried. Great._

‘’Oh, it's..'' Ciel chuckles, shaking his head. ''..Nothing. I'm just sleepy.'’ 

_Another lie, Phantomhive? You just love making things harder for yourself, don't you?_

Sebastian nods, returning his attention to the food. He pours some cream into the bacon and pasta mixture, the motion and heat causing the frying pan to lightly sizzle. The undeniably delicious smell causes a wave of nausea to hit the pit of Ciel's empty stomach. He closes his eyes as he tries hard not to panic.

‘’Spaghetti carbonara..’’ Ciel almost whispers, opening his eyes again. He licks his lips as he watches Sebastian stir the food around. The bacon blends well in with the pasta, the cream making it all look way too delicious.  _And all way too forbidden._

‘’Your favorite, isn't it?’’ Sebastian asks, glancing at the boy with a knowing smile. ''I figured it would cheer you up a bit.'' 

_Was. It was my favorite._

‘’Oh.. yeah.’’ Ciel murmurs, twisting the corners of his lips into a forced smile as he meets Sebastian's reddish-brown eyes.

‘’Would you like to set the table?’’ Sebastian asks, returning his attention to the food as he begins to season it with salt and pepper.

''Sure..'' Ciel nods.

Somehow, the anxious lump in his throat seems to be growing even bigger, almost threatening to choke him right there and then. He swallows, trying to ignore it as he stands up from the stool. He turns his back to Sebastian, opening up the cupboard. 

''Are you ok, Ciel? You seem a bit out of it today.'' Sebastian says, putting the spatula down. 

''Yeah, I'm just a bit stressed. Sorry.'' Ciel says, biting down on his lip as he pulls out two plates. He's reminded of the weak feeling in his legs, his arms, his whole body as he moves around the kitchen. But, despite how faint and torn it makes him feel, he can't help but to like it.

''No need to apologize, Ciel. I'm just worried.'' Sebastian states, crossing his arms over his chest as he observes Ciel, watching as he begins to set out the two plates on the table. Sebastian notices his unsteady, almost shaky movements. He frowns, returning his attention to the food as Ciel turns around. 

''Worried? Why?'' Ciel prompts, glancing at Sebastian with a barely visible frown as he walks past him. He walks up to the counter, pulling out the first drawer. He stares down at the cutlery, holding on to the counter as the dizziness reappears. He sighs, ignoring it as well as he can.

''You just seem.. absent, like something's worrying you.'' Sebastian says, glancing at Ciel over his shoulder. He takes another full look at Ciel as he walks past him again. He can tell that something is wrong by just looking at his body language. And, he can't help but to notice the excessive swallowing, almost like Ciel might have something stuck in his throat.

''I'm fiiine.'' Ciel insists, putting the forks and knives down on the table. He chuckles as he meets Sebastian's gaze. ''Honestly, don't worry.''

’’It's hard not to..'' Sebastian sighs, his thoughts seeming to be wandering off somewhere else. ''But, I suppose I'm just overthinking things.''

''Don't. It's not good for you.'' Ciel smiles, walking up to Sebastian. He grabs his arm, standing on his tip toes as he presses a kiss onto his cheek. 

_That was a close shave. Perhaps I should just try act like a normal person instead of spacing out like a fucking idiot._

_Why can't I act normal for once?_

Sebastian chuckles at the kiss, stirring the spaghetti around one last time before he pulls the frying pan away from the stove.

''It's ready.''

They walk up to the table, slumping down in their chairs. Sebastian instantly begins to scoop up a decent amount of the carbonara onto his plate, humming softly. He grabs his fork, swirling it around the coated spaghetti and guides it to his mouth, letting out a small moan as he begins to chew the food.

'’Oh yeah.’’ Sebastian nods, speaking through a mouthful. '’I get why it’s your favorite. It’s delicious.’’

‘’Yeah…’’ Ciel murmurs as he stares down at the food, feeling himself slowly spacing out again as he begins to scoop up a sparse amount of food to his plate. 

Sebastian sighs, but decides to keep quiet, he's in no mood to argue. 

Ciel swallows as he swirls his own fork around the spaghetti, and can't do anything but to guide it to his mouth. He puts his fork down, slowly chewing the food. 

_No. No. NO. NOO!_

Ciel suddenly stops what he's doing, closing his eyes as a mental blow hits him right in the face. He flinches, dropping the fork.

 

_‘’You little shit! Did I say you could eat?’’_

_The boy falls down to the floor, dropping the fork he just held in his hand. A high-pitched cry of pain escapes his mouth as the man kicks his stomach._

_He sobs as he's dragged up by his shirt, positioned between the man's legs._

_'’How dare you disrespect my rules?'' The man growls, tugging at the the boy's slate hair. ''Boys like you need to get punished.''_

_He grits his teeth at the harsh hair pull, his terrified sapphire blue eyes meeting with the dark, cold ones._

_The man slaps him across his cheek, growling, just like a dog._

_''Don't look at me, whore! What did I say about eye contact!?'' The man yells, the rough voice causing him to whimper._

_‘’S-sorry.. I-I'm so-’’_

_The man slaps him again. Then again, again and again, until he has learned his lesson._

_He reaches his trembling hands to the man's pants, almost vomiting as the erection springs free._

_''Now, Ciel, be a good boy.''_

_He shakes his head, trying to get away as the cock nudges his lips. The man knocks him down to the floor, pinning him down._

_''So you want to do it the hard way, huh? Then bend over like the slut you are.''_

_At this point, he couldn’t care less if the man would beat him up and take him dry. That was still better than having the taste of semen linger in his mouth as he ate._

 

‘’Ciel?'' Sebastian calls. '' _Ciel_ , do you hear me?'' 

Ciel blinks, vision blurry as he tries to focus on the person sitting in front of him. He shakes his head as he watches the figure stand up, his heart racing in his chest.

‘’P-please, please no. I’m s-so sorry!’’ Ciel quivers, burying his face in his trembling hands, feeling as though he might be completely devoured by the darkness.

‘’I… I really didn’t mean t-to eat without... without your permission!’' Ciel stutters. 

_''Stupid whore. You never learn, do you? ''_

_The man tugs down his pants, forcing himself inside._

‘’Ciel…’’ Sebastian whispers, not knowing what to do as he watches the younger male swing back and forth in the chair. Sebastian sits down at the table again, taking a deep breath before he returns his attention back to the now sobbing boy.

‘’Ciel, please listen to me. You’re hallucinating again.’’ Sebastian speaks softly, but notices that Ciel can't seem to hear him. He hesitates, but decides to slowly stand up from his chair again.

‘’No! N-No..’’ Ciel yells, voice trembling. He glances up at the blurry figure with wide eyes, rapidly standing up from the chair. The sudden movement causes him to fall down on the floor, curling up in a ball.

_''This is where you belong, Ciel. On the floor.''_

_His face is pressed to the floor. Pain tears through his rear._

_Something warm runs down his legs. He's embraced by the darkness._

‘’Ciel!’’ Sebastian exclaims, hurrying up to the boy and pulling him into his arms. Ciel instantly kicks his feet and arms in all directions, desperately trying to squirm out of the grip.

‘’Ciel, please listen to me! It’s me, Sebastian, you need to calm down!’’ Sebastian yells, pinning Ciel down.

He continues to squirm, letting out a series of 'stop' and 'please' as he furiously shakes his head under Sebastian's grip. He suddenly pulls away from Ciel, unable to continue watching him in such a heartbreaking state.

Just as Sebastian pulls away, Ciel moves his hand up to strike Sebastian across his cheek. And with that, Ciel slowly calms down, his mind wandering back to reality.

''Seba..?'' Ciel blinks as he glances up at the black haired man, his vision slowly turning back to normal. ''Seba...stian.'' He cries out.

Sebastian leans forward, gently embracing the now almost limp body in his arms.

‘’Ciel, you’re ok. You’re safe.’’ Sebastian whispers, blinking away a few tears.

‘’Seba...stian. I-I’m.. sorry.’’ Ciel pants. His voice wavers as he speaks.

‘’Shh.’’ Sebastian coos, slowly patting Ciel’s hair. ‘’Don’t worry, baby. I've got you.''

Ciel buries his face in the crook of Sebastian’s neck, breathing in his musky scent as he convulsively grasps his broad shoulders. He lets out a series of small sobs, closing his eyes as Sebastian tightens his embrace.

‘’Do you need to lie down?’’ Sebastian asks in a mere whisper, slowly pulling away from him.

Ciel lets out a small whine of protest at the loss of the strong, safe arms around him. He sighs, averting his eyes.

''N-No..'' He snivels, cursing to himself at how weak he sounds.

Sebastian cups Ciel's cheeks with both of his hands, running his thumbs over the wetness. 

''Please..'' Ciel whispers, pulling his face away. ‘’Can... can we just… forget that anything happened?’’

''Ciel, you need-''

''No.'' Ciel cuts him off, glancing up at the table. He grabs the edge, pulling himself up from the floor.

With a heavy thump, he slumps down in his chair, returning his attention to the remaining food on his plate. Ciel sighs as he grabs his fork, swirling it around the now almost dry spaghetti before he guides it to his mouth.

Anxiety washes over him as soon as he feels the spaghetti slowly slink down his throat, immediately regretting eating it. He lets out a shaky sigh as he glances up at the now standing Sebastian. 

‘’What’s wrong, Sebastian?'' Ciel frowns, noticing the obvious sadness in the man's eyes. ''Why don’t you sit down?’’

Sebastian remains silent, but sits back down in his chair. He rubs his temples, sighing deeply.

‘’Ciel, this isn’t working…’’ Sebastian whispers, his fingers moving to pinch the bridge of his nose.

Ciel tightens the grip around his fork, staring at the Sebastian with another deep frown. 

‘’W-What?'' Ciel shakes his head in confusion, clenching his fists. ''What do you mean 'isn't working'?''

Another deep sigh escapes Sebastian’s mouth as he turns his gaze back at Ciel, locking his eyes with the confused sapphire irises.

‘’It just hit me that I’m useless. I can’t help you, no matter how much I want to. You need help. Professional help.’’ Sebastian says, voice thick with emotion.

Ciel's gaze drops to his plate. He lets out a small, broken chuckle at what Sebastian had just said. 

‘’ _Help_?’’ Ciel repeats, the word seeming foreign on his tongue, almost like he's never heard the it before. 

‘’Yes.’’ Sebastian's eyebrows creases together in a frown, his mind deep in though. ‘’See, I’m no doctor, or a therapist, for that matter. But, it’s pretty obvious that you’re suffering from some sort of PTSD, as well as an eating disorder. Your symptoms are easy to notice, you know..''

Ciel shakes his head, unable to think clearly. ‘’I…’’ _What’s he talking about? PTSD? Eating… disorder?_

Sebastian grabs Ciel’s hand on the table, giving it a gentle squeeze. The sudden action causes Ciel to snap his head up, meeting Sebastian's now watery eyes. 

‘’I only want you to be happy. It doesn’t matter how, or when… But I know that you’ll get through this.’’ Sebastian sighs, cursing to himself as he lets the tears fall down his cheek. ‘’I will never leave your side, no matter what happens. I love you, Ciel.'' 

Ciel immediately notices the sincerity and determination in Sebastian’s voice and eyes, and it's all enough to ease some of Ciel's pain. He opens his mouth, but fails to form any words. A low, almost frustrated sigh escapes his lips as he turns his head away.

‘’I…'' Ciel begins, his lips curving into a tiny smile as he slowly glances back at Sebastian. ''I love you too, Sebastian.''

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn.. so much angst.. Also, I suppose this chapter was a little short, but I honestly didn't have that much motivation or inspiration. But, I really wanted to write this specific chapter and get this story going, so I just thought I might as well just keep it short. Anyways, brace yourselves for the upcoming chapters, because that's when shit will hit the fan for real lmao
> 
> Anyways, reviews are more than welcome. Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New chapter woooooho! I'm late with the update again, and I'm sorry, but I'm just really unmotivated and I don't feel good at all. Anyways, this time you'll get some insight about Sebastian's past, because we barley know anything about him, and I don't really want all focus to be on Ciel. There might be some mistakes in grammar and weird sentences etc but that's because i rushed through with editing, and as I said I'm pretty unmotivated. I just really wanted to post a new chapter because it's been a while now, so yeah.. I'll probably edit more some other time. Anyways, hope you enjoy it so far!

The cold wind tears through Ciel’s hair and bites into his cheeks as he stomps out from the big entry of Weston College's school building. He skims his eyes across the path in front of him, watching the students pass him by like mere tornadoes. He scowls as his stubborn hair continues to get in his eyes, no matter how many times he tries to push it aside.

_I need a haircut, it seems._

It was a busy, cold Monday afternoon and Ciel was on his way to meet Finnian and Elizabeth at a small, recently opened cafe at the end of the street. He had practically been locked inside the apartment, either studying or spending time with Sebastian. He did miss his friends, but the thought of going outside wasn’t that appealing to him after all episodes he had started to experience and he decided it was better to stay inside to prevent triggering yet another memory from his past.

Ciel sighs, glancing over his shoulder. The constant feeling of someone watching him kept lurking at the back of his head, almost like a shadow was hovering over him. However, noting seemed to be out of the ordinary as he glanced back.

_Am I going insane? Why am I feeling like this?_

The thought continues to occupy his mind as he walks across the street, sending multiple shivers down his spine. He walks on fast, yet weak legs through the crowded sidewalk, sighing out in relief as he finally spots the cafe. 

A comforting cloak of coffee and warmth greets him as he walks into the building, allowing him to let his guard down with a tiny sigh, just as a sudden, high-pitched screech hits his eardrums, drawing his attention to a table at the very corner of the cafe. His scowl from before reappears on his face, this time a much deeper one as he spots Elizabeth's overly happy expression and blonde curls.

‘’Ciiiel!’’ Elizabeth calls, waving her hand high up in the air. The few people sitting at the tables turn their heads, all attention seeming to be drawn towards her. Beside her sits Finnian, a warm smile spreading on his face as he meets Ciel’s gaze.

Ciel forces a smile across his lips, walking past the tables and up to the two blondes. ‘’Hey guys.’’ He breathes out, making no attempt to hide the bored tone in his voice. He slumps down on one of the chairs, letting his backpack slide down on the floor.

Elizabeth leans forward over the table, her flawless complexion suddenly interrupted by a deep frown. ‘’Cieeel, what’s the matter? You look so tired!’’

Ciel huffs under his breath as he meets the worried emerald irises, shaking his head. ‘’I’m _fine_.’’ He insists. ‘’Tired, yes, but fine.’’

With that, Finnian leans forward, jumping into the conversation as well.

‘’Come on, let’s go order some coffee!’’ He cheers, looking at them both with striking happy, green eyes. They all agree, standing up from the table and walking up to the barista.  _  
_

Ciel sits down at the table again, putting down a white ceramic cup filled with black coffee. He wraps both hands around it, sighing softly as the heat warms up his cold hands. He looks down into the dark-colored liquid, breathing in the rich aroma of coffee beans. The scent reminds him of earth and autumn, deciding it was slightly unfitting for the early springtime.

 _This probably tastes like shit too. But I had a pretty big breakfast today,_ _so I can't really go about drinking a 300 calorie drink. So, this'll just have to do.. I mean, it helps with digestion.. burns fat.. and it's just overall healthy.. See, Ciel? It's all good.  
_

Ciel's gaze wanders to Elizabeth and Finnian's cups. Both are topped with rather thick layers of whipped cream, presumably Latte's, which looked like pure heaven compared to his boring black coffee. Ciel sighs, lazily propping his chin in the palm of his hand.

''Sooo.’’ Elizabeth begins, taking a sip from her coffee. ‘’I’m taking you both to a party on Saturday.’’ 

Ciel’s head snaps up from his coffee, frowning. ‘’Party?’’ He repeats, almost laughing at the thought. ‘’I’m not going to a party.’’

‘’Oh, I’ll come!’’ Finnian adds in with an ardent smile, almost jumping up from his seat. 

‘’See!’’ Elizabeth exclaims with a smile. Her golden, perfectly curled pigtails swirls around her head as she turns to Finnian. ‘’If Finny will come, you’ll come too.’'

Ciel shakes his head, taking a small sip from his coffee. He curses as the strong, almost scalding coffee bites into his tongue, giving him a slight burn. ‘’No.’’ He declares, grimacing as the bitter liquid flows down his throat. 

‘’Cieeel~’’ Elizabeth whines, sounding more like a child than a twenty-year-old grown woman. ‘’Pleeeaase? You need to come out more!'' She says, shooting Finnian an appealing side-glance. Finnian quickly nods in agreement, taking a sip from his coffee.

Ciel gives out an irritated sigh. His gaze wanders between the two, suddenly unable to say no as he watches their eyes practically shine with excitement. ‘’Ugh, fine.’’ He grumbles.

Elizabeth and Finnian cheers in unison, the sight causing Ciel to roll his eyes. ‘’Who even hosts this party?’’ He asks, silencing them.

‘’Aleister Chamber, I think..’’ Elizabeth answers with a frown, taking another sip from her coffee. 

A vague picture of a light blonde, flamboyant young man enters Ciel’s mind. If he remembered clearly, this ‘Aleister’ was one of the most popular seniors. He was rich, so the concept of him hosting parties wasn’t shocking at all.

‘’Aleister?’’ Ciel mumbles, tilting one of his eyebrows in curiosity. ‘’Did he invite you personally?’’  

Elizabeth sighs, reclining in her seat. ‘’No, I..’’ She trails off, seeming to be avoiding eye contact as a faint blush forms on her cheeks. ‘’..I’m going there with someone who was invited, and he invited me, so...’’

Ciel's brows crease together in a frown, his mind flooding with both confusion and curiosity as he observes the change on Elizabeth's face.

_What's with her?_

‘’Charles Grey.’’ Finnian clarifies, noticing Ciel’s frown. ‘’They’re dating.’’

‘’Finny!’’ Elizabeth exclaims, turning to face the other blonde with wide, threatening eyes. She grabs Finnian's shirt with her fist, hissing under her breath, ‘’He doesn’t need to know!’’

''Why not?'' Ciel asks, frown deepening. ''Why can’t I know? We’re not dating anymore so you have all the rights to move on.’’ He leans forward a bit, suddenly very curious about what was going on.

Elizabeth sighs, letting go of Finnian's shirt. She turns to look down her coffee. ‘’Yeah, I know, but..’’

''But what?'' Ciel coaxes, raising his voice a bit to get her attention. Elizabeth glances up at him again, but their eye contact lasts mere seconds as she quickly averts her eyes. Silence falls over the table, causing Ciel to clench his fists in annoyance.

‘’I just thought I’d give you some time to think, ok!?’’ Elizabeth finally blurts out. She quickly turns to look down again, unable to keep eye contact. ‘’And.. I thought.. we could eventually-‘’

‘’Get back together?’’ Ciel interrupts her, finishing the obvious sentence. Elizabeth nods in affirmation, forcing an embarrassed smile across her lips as she meets Ciel’s gaze.

‘’I don’t need time to think. I made my choice.’’ He says with confidence, averting his eyes as he takes another sip of the bitter coffee before he continues. ‘’I’m with Sebastian now. I won’t get together with you again.’’

‘’Yeah, but..‘’

‘’What?'' Ciel says, narrowing his eyes. He sets down the cup a bit harsher than he had intended, causing some of the coffee to splash over the edge and onto the table. Elizabeth lets out a small gasps, shooting Finnian another quick, almost frightened side-glance.

''I..'' Elizabeth trails off, frowning as she searches for the right words. She shakes her head, letting out a small, almost shaky chuckle. ''It's just.. You're always with..  _him_.'' She complains, emphasizing the last word with an almost disgusted tone.

Her way of referring to Sebastian makes Ciel's gut twist, causing the burning anger to arise within him as he glares into the emerald irises. ''What the hell? What are you implying?'' He spits, clenching his fists. 

_Wait. Oh, right.. Of course._

Ciel suddenly lets out a chuckle, drawing Elizabeth's attention. ''Jealousy's a bitch, right?'' He mocks, finally able to pierce his blue eyes into Elizabet's green ones as she looks up at him again.

''I.. What?'' She frowns, her usually cheerful mood now long lost gone. 

''You're jealous.'' Ciel states, guiding the cup to his lips, ''You clearly can't stand that I'm spending more time with _him_ than you.'' He takes a sip, watching the reaction in the other's now wide eyes. 

''What? No!'' She spats, shaking her head, ''That's not true!''

''No? Then explain to me why you're dating someone else, even though you still want to get back together with me?'' He pauses, setting the cup on the table before he continues. ''You thought that'd make me jealous, right? So that I'd be sorry about leaving you for Sebastian, and magically fall back at your feet.'' 

Elizabeth's jaw drops, then clenches tightly as she looks away from Ciel. The atmosphere around their table turn into a heavy silence, reminding Ciel of his angrily beating heart and dry mouth. However, he never lets go of the burning gaze he holds on Lizzy, waiting for her response. 

After a couple seconds, she finally looks up at Ciel again. He immediately notices her sad, upset eyes, making him feel both pain and guilt. The events from the last time they sat together in a cafe enters his mind, immediately regretting what he had just said. He closes his eyes, trying to ignore the rising panic. 

_No no no no no.. Please not again.._

‘’You guys..’’ Finnian begins with a small voice, breaking the silence. ‘’Please just-‘’

‘’Shut up! Why don't you just stay out of this, _Finny_?’’ Ciel blurts out. He meets Finnian's wide, almost sad eyes, but quickly looks away. Ciel curses at the sudden rupture coming from his mouth, closing his eyes.

_Shit, shit,s hit, fuck! I need to get out of here, now!_

Ciel stands up from the table, the motion causing his head to spin. He ignores it, all too frustrated to care.  _Not a good time to collapse, idiot._

He swings his backpack over his shoulder, grabbing the chair as he casts the two blondes a final glance, ''I have to go, it was nice chatting. Have fun at the party.'' He says in a rushed, cold voice, quickly turning his back to them. He storms out of the cafe, cursing in annoyance as he's greeted by the cold wind a second time. 

'’Ciel!’’ A voice shouts after him. Ciel stops in his tracks, slowly glancing over his shoulder with a snarl. He spots Elizabeth's blonde curls, watching as she runs up to him. 

''Ciel.. please, just listen.'' She pleads, grabbing Ciel's arm to pull him out of people's way.

''What?'' Ciel spats, shaking off her hand. He averts his eyes to the distant campus building, unable to look her in the eye. 

Elizabeth lets out a small sigh, observing Ciel from his profile. ''I'm sorry, Ciel.. I just.. I'm worried about you, ok? I want you to be _happy_.'' 

Ciel lets out a throaty, broken chuckle. He turns to face Elizabeth with cold, piercing eyes. ''Happy, huh?'' He scoffs, keeping his voice steady and awfully cold. ''Who says I'm not?''

''It's obvious.. Ciel. Ever since your parents-''

''Shut up about my parents!'' CIel shouts, cutting her off. Some of the passersby turn their heads, frowning and whispering at them. 

Elizabeth's gaze falls to the ground, eyebrows creasing together in a pained expression. ''Ciel, I'm sorry..'' She trails off, voice breaking. She clenches her fists, attempting to regain her strength. ''I just wish I could've helped you more back then.. or that we could've figured things out..'' She slowly says, letting her gaze wander back up at Ciel. ''I guess I'm just naive.. right?'' 

Ciel remains quiet, only glancing at her when she looks away. Just as he's about to speak up, Elizabeth interrupts him.

''..I really don't want to do this.'' Elizabeth says, voice loosing all emotion. ''But, we can't see each other anymore. Perhaps it's selfish, but it's too much for me. These past months have been awful..'' 

Her words hits Ciel like a punch in the face, making his heart pound even harder in his chest. _Fucking great. All I do is make people feel miserable. I'm worthless._

‘’Fine. I don’t care.’’ Ciel coldly says, turning to walk away, only to be stopped by Elizabeth gripping his arm. He shoots her a side-glance, his heart sinking in his chest as he notices her pained expression, eyes filled with tears.

_I don't want her to feel like this because of me.. I really don't. But I don't have any other choice now, and I can't be bothered by playing nice.. Besides, If I continue like this... maybe my death won't affect anyone._

‘’I.. I had hoped I'd be able to see you laugh and smile like you used to..'' Elizabeth whispers, forcing a smile. ''I guess you can't have everything..'' She adds, turning her head away and spinning around on her heels. ''Goodbye, Ciel.'' 

Her blonde curls swirls in the wind as she walks down the street, the sight causing Ciel's stomach to twist.  _Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye._ Her words echoes in Ciel's head, her sweet voice now only a memory. He grits his teeth, angrily digging his hands into the pockets of his navy-blue pea coat. It was too late to turn back and apologize. Despair falls over his shoulder at the thought, making his already tired, weak body much heavier. 

_Two gone, one left. Well, I suppose that's some good news._

* * *

  
Sebastian enters the kitchen with a deep sigh, letting his backpack thump down on the floor. Ciel snaps his head up from his International Business textbook, watching the man move around the kitchen.

‘’Did you eat yet? I can cook something.’’ Sebastian says in a rushed voice, clearly stressed. 

_Will he ever shut up about that? Why's it so damn important, anyway? It's not like I deserve it... I mean, just how am I supposed to eat when I feel this horrible? I'm gross. Fuck, now you're going to make Sebastian upset too. Good fucking job, Ciel. Why don't you just kill yourself already? Pathetic._

Ciel slowly shakes his head, narrowing his eyes as he stares back down at the small, unpleasant text. ‘’No, I’m good. I had lunch at the cafe.’’

‘’Oh, really?'' Sebastian's eyes lights up, bringing a small smile to his lips as he glances over at Ciel. ''What did you eat?’’ 

Guilt washes over him as he looks up at Sebastian, noticing the smile. He clears his throat, looking away from the man. ‘’Um, just a..’’ He trails off, trying to come up with something to say. 

_Oh.. should I tell him? No, no.. what am I thinking? I had breakfast, I mean.. technically, I ate.. that was.. how many hours ago again?_

‘’Grilled cheese.’’ Ciel finally blurts out as Sebastian casts him a glance. He sighs out in relief as Sebastian nods, turning to pull out a box of whole wheat cereals from the cupboard. ‘’That was some time ago, right? I can make you-‘’

‘’I said I’m good.’’ Ciel cuts him off, his tone bitter and irritated. He glances up at Sebastian, letting out a deep sigh as the older man obviously picked up the trace of distress in his voice.

‘’What’s wrong?’’ Sebastian asks with a frown, putting the cereal down on the counter as he looks up at Ciel.

‘’Nothing..’’ Ciel mumbles, his gaze falling down to the textbook.

‘’Nothing?’’ Sebastian repeats, returning his attention to prepare his snack. He pulls out a bowl, shooting Ciel a knowing look. ‘’Just tell me, Ciel. I can tell something is bothering you.’’

Ciel deeply sighs, surrendering by resting the side of his face and arms on the table. ‘’I.. had a fight. With Lizzy.’’ He mumbles, peeking his head up from the table as he hears the sound of the cereals clinking into a bowl. He props his chin in the the palm of his right hand, watching as the content of the package pours out.

''What did you fight about?'' Sebastian asks, moving to the fridge to pull out a can of milk.

Ciel nibbles down on his lip, turning his head to look out the window. ''We...'' He begins, unsure how to explain it all. ''She just... doesn’t want to see my anymore. Can't really blame her, though...'' He sighs, glancing back at Sebastian.

Sebastian looks up from the bowl, frowning, ''That's it?''

Ciel sighs, shaking his head. ''I just don't understand..'' He frowns, ''I mean.. she's dating someone else now, but she clearly wants to get back together with me. She told me she wanted to give me 'some time'.. And I just.. I don't know.. if I've caused her so much pain then why would she want to get back together with me? Oh, and she's jealous. Of you. And now Finny probably hates me.. he didn't do anything wrong.. and I just-''

''Wait, hold on.'' Sebastian says, glancing at Ciel with a quizzical look. ''Lizzy's jealous.. of me? Why?'' He asks, walking up to the table with the bowl of cereal in his hand. 

Ciel shrugs, burying his face in the pit of his arm. ''I suppose she doesn't like that I spend so much time with you. That must mean that she's jealous.'' He sighs, ''She was trying to deny it, but it was obvious.'' 

Sebastian nods, frowning a bit as he runs his hand over the young man's slate hair, trying to make do with the information he just got. ‘’Don't worry about it, Ciel. It was probably for the best though, don't you think? Besides, I don’t think you two would have been able to continue being friends anyway.''

A shiver runs down Ciel's neck at the sensation of Sebastian's fingers, calming his nerves. ''Yeah, I suppose you're right..'' He whispers, tilting his head to look back at Sebastian. He then shifts around in the chair, pulling his arms around the man's hips. ''I feel horrible though.'' He pouts.

Sebastian nods with understanding, now allowed better access to play with the soft hair. ''It'll be ok, Ciel. Don't worry.'' He coos, smiling as Ciel glances up at him.

Ciel only sighs in response, unable to dismiss his heavy shoulders and the nagging pessimism. He presses the side of his face against Sebastian's clothed stomach, listening to the grumbling activity. ''Wow, you're hungry.'' Ciel exclaims, looking up at the man again. ''Eat.'' 

''Well, I was about to, but then _someone_ needed my attention.'' Sebastian answers with a smirk. Ciel huffs, pushing Sebastian away with a pout as he turns to bury his face in the pit of his arm again. ''You suck.'' He mumbles.

Sebastian chuckles in response, turning to sit down at the table. He picks up a spoon, swirling the mixture of milk and cereal around before he guides it to his mouth. He slowly chews the food, observing Ciel. ‘’Perhaps we should just relax tonight. Maybe watch a movie?''

Ciel sighs, tilting his head to peek up at Sebastian. ‘’Yeah.. that sounds nice.’’ He lets the corners of his lips curl into a tiny smile. Sebastian smiles back at him, nodding his head. ‘’You go pick a movie then, while I finish this.'' 

Ciel nods, straightening himself up on the chair. ''Do you have any DVD's then? I don't, so..'' 

''Yeah, I have a box full of them. I suppose they're placed somewhere under the TV.'' Sebastian answers as he guides another spoonful of cereal towards his mouth. 

Ciel nods again, closing his textbook before he slowly stands up with support from the table. Despite his careful and slow movement, the usual dizziness hazes his eyesight, his knees almost giving up on him as he stands upright.

‘’Ciel?’’ Sebastian asks, noticing his unbalanced structure. He stands up from the table when Ciel doesn't answer, moving up to him. ‘’Ciel are you ok? What’s the-‘’

‘’I’m ok, yeah… I’m just.. Sorry..’’ He grips Sebastian’s arms, letting out a small chuckle. Sebastian frowns, pulling his arm around Ciel’s waist for better support.

‘’Come here, I’ll carry you.’’ That said, Sebastian pulls him up in his arms. One of Ciel’s eyebrows twitches upwards, glaring at Sebastian with an angry frown. ‘’I’m not a baby, put me down!’’ He demands.

‘’So you say..'' Sebastian chuckles, hurrying out of the kitchen and into the living room.

''Shut up!'' Ciel immediately begins to squirm around with a much deeper frown, almost considering slapping the man across his face. Sebastian puts him down on the couch, chuckling as he notices the pout on the other's lips.

‘’That was completely unnecessary..’’ Ciel begins, glaring up at the now laughing man. ‘’Hey, stop it! Why're you laughing?’’ He shouts, but despite himself he can’t keep his mask as he watches Sebastian laugh. The corners of his lips curls upwards as a small chuckle escapes from his mouth.

‘’You're just so cute, Ciel.’’ Sebastian says with a grin, leaning in to Ciel's face. Their mouths are only inches away from each other, but instead of closing the space Ciel turns his head away, lightly pushing at Sebastian's chest. ''Ok shut up, go back to the kitchen.'' He mocks, turning to lean back against the couch with a smirk. 

‘’All right, all right.'' Sebastian chuckles. ''I'll be back in a bit then.'' He exits the room, leaving Ciel alone. He stands up from the couch, this time without feeling much dizzy. 

Walking up to the TV, Ciel instantly spots the black, rather big box of DVD's. He frowns as he begins to rummage around, trying to find something that isn’t a horror movie. _The Exorcist. Night of The Demons. The Exorcist 2. The Amityville Horror._

He continues to search, only to find more horror movies and a few music DVD's of bands he had never heard of before. He then picks up a DVD titled _'The Contract'_. On the front cover is a boy, surrounded by dark shadows and an inhuman hand gripping his throat, face screwed in pain. The boy's one eye shows a seal of some sort, glowing purple. He flipsit around to read the back, frowning a bit.

‘’Found something you like?’’

Ciel jumps at the sudden voice, glancing back. '' _Fu_ \- Sebastian!''

‘’Oh sorry, didn't mean to startle you.’’ Sebastian chuckles, walking up to Ciel to crouch down next to him. 

Ciel shoots him a dirty look, then returning his attention to the DVD in his hand. ‘’Hey, you didn’t tell me you liked horror movies so much…’’ 

‘’I didn’t?’’ Sebastian hums, lips curling into a tiny smile. ‘’Well.. I’ve always liked them. They used to bring me comfort when I was younger.’’

Ciel looks up from the DVD, frowning. ‘’Really? Why?''

‘’Yeah, well..’’ Sebastian begins, shifting around to sit on his knees. ‘’My dad used to treat me pretty badly. He called me all sorts of things like ‘demon’, ‘devil’, ‘monster’. The list was long..’’ 

‘’What? Why?’’ Ciel frowns, putting away the DVD to give Sebastian his full attention. 

‘’Well.. my mom passed away just after I was born..'' He begins, sighing before he continues. ‘’So, basically, my dad blamed her death on me, because there was nothing wrong with my mom before or even during she went into labor. She just died, and they couldn’t find a logic reason as to why. My dad was there, telling the nurses that I was evil, the devil’s spawn… or something like that.’’ He chuckles, shooting Ciel a side-glance. He watches as Ciel's sharp, wide blue eyes travels over him in shock.

‘’I.. I had no idea. I'm sorry..'' Ciel manages to say, his gaze falling to his knees. 

‘’Well it's not your fault, Ciel. Really, it's ok.’’ Sebastian says with a smile, picking up a random DVD. ‘’I once knew this... _guy_. He was very special, and really interested in the occult, so he introduced me to these movies, and they started to interest me as well. Perhaps I even started to relate to the monsters and demons in some weird, perhaps twisted way...’’

Ciel carefully nods, glancing up at Sebastian as he nibbles down on his lip. ‘’And.. your dad? How’s he now..?’’ 

‘’He overdosed. I've been taking care of myself ever since I was 16.’’ Sebastian answers, seeming completely unaffected by his words. 

Ciel stares at him with awe, perhaps even admiration at the jaw dropping confession. ‘’Sebastian, why haven’t you talked about this before? I had no idea.’’ Ciel manages to say, grabbing the other man's thigh as he stares into his deep, reddish-brown eyes.

‘’I don’t know.’’ Sebastian shrugs. ‘’You don’t just start talking about such things so I suppose I was just waiting for the right time.’’

Ciel is only able to nod, still taken aback by the the story he had just been told. The sudden temptation to bombard him with questions erupts in Ciel's head, but he changes his mind just as Sebastian speaks up again.

‘’So, do you want to watch that one?’’ Sebastian asks, gesturing to the DVD Ciel's holding.

‘’I.. yeah.’’ Ciel says, frowning. ‘’I’m just not that interested in horror movies, I guess… But, this one seemed sort of good, so...’’ He hands it over to Sebastian.

‘’Ah, yes.. I thought it was that one.’’ Sebastian skims his eyes over the cover, smiling. ‘’Well then, let's watch it.'' He says, standing up, exchanging his hand to Ciel. He takes the hand with a tiny smile, falling into Sebastian's arms at the quick, almost rough pull.

Sebastian chuckles, savoring the closeness by tilting Ciel's chin, planting a lingering kiss onto his lips. Ciel blushes, pulling away with a smirk as he glances up at the much taller man. ''You did that on purpose, didn't you?'' 

''Well, I didn't get a kiss before, so I took my chance.'' Sebastian winks. Ciel rolls his eyes, pulling away to slump down on the couch. Sebastian only smiles, then turning around to the TV, putting the disc in the reader. He then joins Ciel on the couch, grabbing the remote in the same process. 

‘’Hey, do you want some snacks by the way?’’ Sebastian asks, turning his head to Ciel with a smile. ‘’I think we have popcorn.’’

‘’No, thanks..’’ Ciel answers, avoiding the man's eyes. Shame washes over him over having to turn something down, from his boyfriend, of all people. 

_Why can't I be normal for once? He wants a normal boyfriend, not a needy psycho like me. He can't possibly like me... right? I mean.. I'm pulling him through so much shit, and he's already gone through a lot, it seems.. God, I'm so selfish.._

‘’All right. ‘’ Sebastian says, returning his attention to the TV. He clicks on ‘play movie’ as the menu pops up. ‘’Dumb question, maybe...’’ He mumbles.

‘’No, no..'' Ciel shakes his head, smiling a bit. ''I can go get you some though, if you want...’’ He offers, carefully snuggling into Sebastian.

Sebastian shakes his head, pulling the much smaller body closer by placing his arm around Ciel’s shoulders. ‘’No, don’t worry. Having you here is better than any snack.’’

Ciel chuckles, sounding more as a giggle as he tilts back against the other's chest. ‘’Lame-ass.’’ He teases, sighing as the warmth from Sebastian’s body surrounds him, making him feel safe and sound. Sebastian grins in response, pressing a small kiss to Ciel’s forehead before he turns his attention to the TV. 

Ciel yawns, blinking away his now teary eyes caused by the yawn. The movie takes off, but it’s not enough to keep Ciel interested. He’s constantly reminded by his heavy eyelids, making it hard for him to concentrate on the somewhat complicated plot. Less than half-way through the movie, he slowly gives in to the sleepy haze, closing his eyes as he quickly falls asleep in Sebastian's comfortable embrace. 

A small snore draws Sebastian’s attention. He glances down at the resting young man on his chest, noticing the closed eyes. He smiles at the sight of Ciel's calm face, carefully placing a kiss to his head. He lets his lips linger as he breathes in the sweet, boyish scent. A yawn suddenly interrupts Sebastian's smile, making his eyes hazy. He reaches for the remote, deciding to turn of the TV and sleep as well. The room goes dark, leaving them both in the darkness.

''Goodnight, Ciel.'' Sebastian whispers, leaning back against the neck rest as he closes his eyes, drifting off to sleep almost immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! And no, ''The Contract'' isn't a real movie, I was just trying to come up with something that made a resemblance to Black Butler, because i thought it would be kinda funny. I didn't want to give it away by just calling it Black Butler. Anyways, I hope you got the hint lmao, if not then now you know. I really look forward to write next chapter, because it'll probably get more interesting. I'll try to start update more regularly too, but I can't promise anything.
> 
> \- Spirit

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews are always appreciated. Hope you enjoyed!


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